Primitive Freedom (Crit4Crit)

[flywithdiamonds]

I guess this piece was a simple way of channelling anger. I didn't put much emphasis on fancy wording just scribbled down some simple ideas around the animal analogy on a train journey and ended up with this:



Primitive Freedom


Verse 1:
The hyena's who walk beside us,
Choose our future and taint our past.
Made their home in the House of Lords,
With the rotting pigs who pass our laws,
Squealing, blindly in the hyenas jaw.

Verse 2:
The Antelope and Buffalo
Wallow in their pissing holes.
Mcdonalds feeds their craving rats,
Celebrating the millenniums plague,
Within our green and pleasant cage.

Chorus:
Primitive freedom, the nations acceptance.
The United Kingdom, a cultural deception.
Wrap a barbed wire fence around your home,
You ungrateful, stupid, ****ing animals.

Verse 3:
The rabid dogs spread disease,
Among the working class of slavery.
They live in caves on a government wage
Cheated by their own protection acts,
They're suffocating like drowning rats.



Thanks for reading.

[Dancin' Man]

I do not like goverment linked or PSA sorts of lyrics. At all. I find them extremely boring and unthoughtful because they are all the same. Everyone is fat, the goverment is evil, it's all their fault, lets revolt. If you insist on doing that, then at least mask it better. Do not use lines like "pass our laws" or "MacDonalds feeds..." or "Goverment wage". Make it concealed and slightly more intelligent.find something else that you can draw parallels with and use that as a metaphor. You have some great lines in there so I think you're capable of writing a really good piece but this is not it. I really want to see what you submit next.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=398227