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[Shinod_a_llegra]

Hi. Please tell me what you think. haven't been writing for quite awhile so i'm sorry if it sucks.

If you go on without me
I guess i'd have to say goodbye
It's funny how you hurt me so bad
It's funny how i love you like mad
So if you leave without a word
At least tell me first
Don't do this to me
Don't try this with me

And what i say inside my head
Doesn't really come out right
And it seems all too fake
To tell you i'm all over you
but it's true, so true
i'll never know if i don't go
all down under
right after you

I can't get through your addictive gaze
You get out while slamming the door
You cross my mind every single day
does it matter to you if you drive me insane?
And if you happen to look away
you don't sense my chase
If you decide to give up and go
Don't leave me like this
Don't do this to me

What i think of inside my brain
All comes out in pain
And nothing ever seems good enough
To tell you i'm all over you
that would be more to take
i'll never know if i don't go
i'd go to all ends for you
to the places no one knows

I drive you crazy and it's the same for you
So tell me how we could ever live with each other.
And what i say inside my head
Doesn't really come out right
And it seems all too fake
To tell you i'm all over you
but it's true, so true

To tell you i'm all over you
that would be more to take
And what i say inside my head
Doesn't really come out right
And it seems all too fake
To tell you i'm all over you
but it's true, so true

*something should be added her but i can't think of anything to close the song*

Thanks, :D

[PunkyMcEmo]

Eh. Not THAT bad. Your rhymes seem really forced, plus you're dealing with a really cliched topiic. Not a bad attempt at all, especially if you're not very experienced. Umm... If I were you I would focus on content rather then rhyme to start out. Rhyming sorta has to come; forcing it will nearly always result in cheesy sounding lines. Also, writing songs about getting over a girl will nearly always get shot down in a forum like this, unless you put a really unique spin on it. Just some words of advice.

Good effort, keep writing and you'll get better.