Untitled

[RockinAFender22]

All right I whipped this up in about 10 minutes and this is all I have so far. So now I'm stuck and I don't know where to go with it next. Any help would be awesome. And I know this is a little cliche.

[Verse]
Heard the sound of a motor fade in the distance
As I walked through the front door
And I found a crumpled note on my bed
Your voice rung in my brain as I read

[Verse]
You said, ‘I can’t take it anymore,’
‘Your six-string has got to go out the door.’
And I thought to myself as I saw your picture on my floor
‘It’s you who’s going out the door.’

[Chorus]
Oh I won’t let you take me down
Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop me from my rock ‘n’ roll
Won’t give you a chance second time around
‘Cause you can’t stop me from my rock ‘n’ roll

[Verse]
Six weeks later, I hear your voice on the other end
Your excuses, you know you never could defend
Sooner or later I knew you’d be running back
But dear, you don’t always get what you ask

[TojesDolan]

Hahaha. That was so cool. It was indeed cliché, but for some reason it made me grin as I finished reading it. it was meant to be for... Pop-rock, maybe?

If it's not, then a few chord progressions and what not... maybe a little solo.

It's a wonderful song... Except sometimes it just goes badly with the not so pretty "rhyme" which can be a bit boring...

As for comments on what to do next, you can always... talk about how good you're doing, all the girls that you have now, but you really miss her... or be cocky and say you're having a blast being a rockztur.

Cheers.

[PunkyMcEmo]

Cute song. Haha, your rhyme scheme is sorta weird, rhyming door with door. It's a good song. Nothing amazingly deep or thought provoking, but sometimes, a lightweight. I'd try to reword the last stanza because its flow is off, and take TojesDoLan's advice about where to go next.

[RockinAFender22]

awesome, i will totally take your advice and fix it up!

[Happy_Squirrel]

Yeah, definately cliche, but workable.

You said, ‘I can’t take it anymore,’
‘Your six-string has got to go out the door.’
And I thought to myself as I saw your picture on my floor
‘It’s you who’s going out the door.’Yeah, OK. It seems like you're trying waaaaay too hard to keep the rhyme going here, although I see that you do have a complete thought. But it just sounds hokey. Sorry.

Oh I won’t let you take me down
Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop me from my rock ‘n’ roll
Won’t give you a chance second time around
‘Cause you can’t stop me from my rock ‘n’ rollUgggghhhhh.......I'm sorry man, but this part just reminds me of some of the worst songs from the 70's. I know that this song isn't supposed to be completely serious, but this makes me cringe.

Six weeks later, I hear your voice on the other end
Your excuses, you know you never could defend
Sooner or later I knew you’d be running back
But dear, you don’t always get what you askMuch better.

Like I said, it's workable. I'd ditch the chorus and try writing something with more depth. 6/10?