Oh Why Mistress

[jade858907]

Oh Why Mistress

There she stands
Ghost from the past
Waving for ever more

Her stance is weary
Eyes are tearing
Mistress why do you cry

You stand alone
Waiting for someone
For someone

She stands for ever more
For her love

Wave him down
Mistress
Wave him down

Her stance is weary
Eyes are tearing
Mistress why do you cry

Wave him down
Wave him down
Show him your still around
Wave him down

There she stands
Ghost from the past
Waving for ever more

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Ok complet change in tune and everything. Now I have it as a slow accustic erie tune. What do you think? I didnt change much, but had to change a few words to go with the flow of it~Jade :wave:

[Happy_Squirrel]

There she stands
The ghost from the past
Waving for ever moreWell, this sounds kind of nice, but I didn't find it that interesting.

Her stance is weary
Her eyes tearing
Oh why Mistress
Do you cryVery nice. My favourite part.

You stand alone
As if you wait
For something

Something moreWell, you just seem to be repeating yourself, more or less. Not really that much different from the first verse.

Wave him down
Show him your still around
Open his eyes
Wave him downUm, well...this part really didn't seem to be going anywhere. It just seemed a bit too simplistic. Sorry. Also, "you're" instead of "your".

I don't know. It seemed to flow well enough. There just didn't seem to be that much substance. Maybe try expanding upon the emotions that are present. Or try to add descriptions of some specific events or conversations (real or fictional) that may be linked to this story, or something. 5/10. Keep working on it.

[TojesDolan]

Hey jade. This is me, TojesDolan.

All I want to say to you, is don't quit because of a bunch of assholes disliked what you did. It was offensive, you provoked people, TAKE THE BULLET.

If you can't, then you're not worthy of being called a songwriter. Do you really think all this sh¡t we go through is easy? Not a single writer had a good time. Some even had to write to eat the next day. Dostoievsky was in debt almost for life for his addiction to gaming, and that lead to one of his greatest publications. ever.

Please, follow my advice. If you're good, and have the balls to go through punishment, bieng thrown to the floor and just be so weary you can't continue, then please stay here. If you won't take responsability for what you do, and go because of some hate posts... Then I'm sorry. That makes you unworthy of whatever I might have to say, which may not be a lot, but I try, and I really care about my fellow writers. At least here on MX, OK?

So don't be stupid, and continue, because you'll trip. And fall hard, and it will hurt, but the best thing in the end, is that you'll feel better if you move on.

I'll crit later, just some intro for you to cheer up/get your sh¡t together.

[jade858907]

Thank you for the words of wisdom.... I agree. I just hope I get peoples respect again, b/c no one is even criting me now. I will just have to start over some where eles if it keeps up this way... I really dont want to leave b/c I love everyone here and to have all those I admire respect and love abandond me really really rips my heart up. I am not giving up entirely, I am sending this song and another song into Current tv, and going to see if people like it. But I think my days here on MX are numbered.... <tears> but anyways, thank you ~Jade

[EmergencyRoom]

Hey :wave:

Don't go. :upset:

I'll crit yours. I'm just a little busy with Uni work at the mo.

[jade858907]

Hey :wave:

Don't go. :upset:

I'll crit yours. I'm just a little busy with Uni work at the mo.

lol, thanx :D

[EmergencyRoom]

Oh Why Mistress

There she stands
Ghost from the past
Waving for ever more

Her stance is weary
Eyes are tearing
Mistress why do you cry

You stand alone
Waiting for someone
For someone

She stands for ever more
For her love

Wave him down
Mistress
Wave him down

Her stance is weary
Eyes are tearing
Mistress why do you cry

Wave him down
Wave him down
Show him your still around
Wave him down

There she stands
Ghost from the past
Waving for ever more



The main thing that i don't like is the use of the word "waving". It seems to simplistic.

In truth it's not very complicated, but that isn't a bad thing. I can imagine it sung as an acoustic piece with harmony vocals. It's got that simple folk style to it and there isn't actually much i'd change here, mainly because it all seems to fit to me. I like the "weary/tearing" partial rhyme and it makes me think of the idea of wear and tear, but that's just my subjective take on it, someone beaten down and worn with the years of waiting. I often tear apart peices on here for not having much imagery and/or too many cliche's. "Ghost from the past" is a bit of an overused term but it fits well and i understand why you used it here. The " for her love" line could be reworded to add some imagery possibly, but that's not a big issue.

Overall 7/10

I liked it, and even though it's a little simplistic, i've been listening to a lot of folk recently and can see that it would work nicely as a song. Well done :thumb:

ps. don't leave :upset:

[fretfriend]

Hi thanks for going on a limb and criting mine that is my first one on hear after about a month of lyric writing. So my advice is not great for you I think but the only thing I didn't like is the wave him down part is is repetitive in random places but if that is what you want cool. Thanks again and I like all the other lyrics

[brokenfaith]

Oh Why Mistress

There she stands
Ghost from the past
Waving for ever more

Uhm all in all.. pretty simplistic, but sounds catchy, and could be taken quite well used in the right manner.. Like as a hardcore song i don't think this would get anywhere... maybe Dream theater style, or Some of the lighter Opeth i think would appear good.

Her stance is weary
Eyes are tearing
Mistress why do you cry

Once again pretty simple, and riight to the point, i think you need to just add a few more words, unless its a really slow song.

You stand alone
Waiting for someone
For someone

This would probably be one of the best things about this song i don't know i just find it catchy and really meaningful even though like the rest of the song its kind of simple... I really like the idea of waiting for some one.. for some one.. really catchs my intreset for some reason.

She stands for ever more
For her love

Once again it kind of just goes with the above three lines quite well.

Wave him down
Mistress
Wave him down

Kind of a little bit repeative, depending how this part is sung, it cound make or break it.

Her stance is weary
Eyes are tearing
Mistress why do you cry

Bravo, i like it , Remaining simple is a good thing.

Wave him down
Wave him down
Show him your still around
Wave him down

I like the ryhming of this.. it is really meaning ful and it actually makes me think, and gives some thought.

There she stands
Ghost from the past
Waving for ever more

Niice I think this is a aewsome song nice work.


I liked the song in general, maybe a little to simplistic, but i think of this was sugn and acoutistic like some that opeth stuff, it could come off sounding Orgasmatic to the ears. :D Nice going and thanks for looking over my song my friend.