PDA

View Full Version : Whatch out, it's a poem!


HomeCatMickey8
10-01-2005, 08:21 AM
I wrote this during math when I was supposed to be taking notes. Sure this isn't quite happening yet, but I'll give it two weeks before it does. So yeah hear it is.


The old sycamore,
Is finally setting,
His prisoners free,
To flutter, fly, and fall.
While the weary farmer,
Harvests his newly ripened
Accomplishments.

The young Bradford,
Is letting his few go,
To rest with the rest,
Of the worn out slaves.
While the tanned pig-skin,
Is thrown thirty-five yards,
To the end zone.

The marvelous oak,
Is preparing to die,
To withstand the cold,
Then resurrect in Spring.
While the cold people,
Watch in shock and awe,
From the window.

PunkyMcEmo
10-01-2005, 09:23 AM
Wow I like this. There's no real flow problems. You word choice is good. If I could change one thing, I'd use a different name for the tree in the 2nd stanza, if that's possible. Bradford sounds a lot like a people name, and even if you do know it's a tree, it's still kinda weird. Maybe Maple or something.

This is a nice poem, nice message. Thanks for the critique.

HomeCatMickey8
10-01-2005, 01:58 PM
Yeah, I've been thinking about changing that... Bradford came to mind because of the tree that's right outside the window is a Bradford.

HomeCatMickey8
10-02-2005, 08:32 AM
Shazam! (bump)