Kidnapped.

[Loyton]

Kidnapped.

Swimming in this body bag
with my eyes sewn shut
should i be startled

should i be suprised that
you gave me some candy
and a ride in your car
for more than a smile and thank you.

Where we will go,
the flowers refuse to grow.

Where we will go,
the flowers refuse to grow.

watching the sunset
and driving away from nowhere
eating my choacalate and thinking of summer

Where we will go,
the flowers refuse to grow.

Where we will go,
the flowers refuse to grow.

To escape or to escape,
so many wrong choices
being tossed around in the back seat.

Where we will go,
not a dandelion dares to grow....



Please comment. This is a poem adapted into lyrics. This is my first post here, I have many other poems and writings I keep but im rather fond of this one. I am a regular poster in the drums and percussion forum, and the main lyrical artist for my band.

[Loyton]

14 views and no comments? Then again i shouldnt be impatient, posting is differnt here on the lyrical thread as far as i can see. Much more lenghthy and in depth not just "Kwel"

[MidnightHysteria]

Sometimes in the first and second verses, it seems as though you're being too straightforward. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing intrinsically wrong with being straightforward, but the chorus and the third verse give stronger imagery by being more cryptic, and thus, something that more people can interpret as something they can relate to.

[Pete]

I think the blatant straightforwardness of the verses fits the theme pretty well, assuming it's a child being kidnapped. It seems like the way a child would think about being kidnapped (if that makes sense). I think you should make another song, or maybe just an entirely different part of the same song, that either describes the event from a third person view, or from the kidnappers view. I think that could really compliment this piece.

[TojesDolan]

It's alright, but the chorus first line seems a little strange, and doesn't fit for some reason. Maybe it's the time or the word arrangement?

And yes, as stated by Fatpete, another poem, with a more mature, grown-up language might add up a little to the experience/song. Or a different póint of view on the subject,...