Unhappy Angel

[Slipend123]

What do you guys think? Its kinda like an emo/Alkaline trio song....


Unhappy Angel

Please wipe the tears from your unhappy angel
Free the dust from the her mind gone sterile
Oh please help the lonesome criers tonight
Separate them from the liars
and
She threw away her forgotten memories
Took a leaf out of her own sanctuary
And all she did was cry
And all she did was cry, yeah

And everyday you feel like you want to die a little
And everyday maybe you just want to cry a little
And take away the pain from your heart so slowly, yeah,
So slowly in time,
And everyday you want to hide your fears a little
And everyday you want to hold your tears a little
From the eyes and face of this unhappy angel yeah
This unhappy angel never lies

So please relight the spark upon this angel
And never take what isn’t in her cradle
Because she sometimes bites!
She bites

Where she comes from everything seems scary
Where the ordinal sees through the ordinary
And we all fit right in
We fit right in

And everyday you feel like you want to die a little
And everyday maybe you just want to cry a little
And take away the pain from your heart so slowly, yeah,
So slowly in time,
And everyday you want to hide your fears a little
And everyday you want to hold your tears a little
From the eyes and face of this unhappy angel yeah
Oh yeah

So please wipe the tears from this unhappy angel
Wipe the dust from her mind gone sterile
And please help the lonesome criers tonight
Separate them from the liars

And so please cure us with your mindless therapy
Freeing us from your heart aching memories
And then maybe you just need to cry……..

Yeah! And everyday you feel like you want to die a little harder!
And everyday you feel like you want to cry a little harder!!!
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel,
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel,
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel now!

[jade858907]

Unhappy Angel

Please wipe the tears from your unhappy angel
Free the dust from the her mind gone sterile
Oh please help the lonesome criers tonight
Separate them from the liars
and
She threw away her forgotten memories
Took a leaf out of her own sanctuary
And all she did was cry
And all she did was cry, yeah

The first line, I really dont like, it doesnt sound so good, its just forced for the rhyme 'angle/sterile'. But I do like the 2nd line, But the 'Separate them from the liars' doesnt make sense.

And everyday you feel like you want to die a little
And everyday maybe you just want to cry a little
And take away the pain from your heart so slowly, yeah,
So slowly in time,
And everyday you want to hide your fears a little
And everyday you want to hold your tears a little
From the eyes and face of this unhappy angel yeah
This unhappy angel never lies

Hmm, Some would say this is good, some would say it's repatitive, I do not know what to tell you, besides I think its repatitive, all forced for rhyme, not great, but it might work depending on how you work it.

So please relight the spark upon this angel
And never take what isn’t in her cradle
Because she sometimes bites!
She bites

Why would you take only what is in her cradle?

Where she comes from everything seems scary
Where the ordinal sees through the ordinary
And we all fit right in
We fit right in

Rhyming needs to be either thrown out completly or worked on. It isnt so good, and how you repeat the last two lines in your verses I dont agree with.

And everyday you feel like you want to die a little
And everyday maybe you just want to cry a little
And take away the pain from your heart so slowly, yeah,
So slowly in time,
And everyday you want to hide your fears a little
And everyday you want to hold your tears a little
From the eyes and face of this unhappy angel yeah
Oh yeah

same

So please wipe the tears from this unhappy angel
Wipe the dust from her mind gone sterile
And please help the lonesome criers tonight
Separate them from the liars

same

And so please cure us with your mindless therapy
Freeing us from your heart aching memories
And then maybe you just need to cry……..

Ah, this is purty good, the best thing I have read in this so far

Yeah! And everyday you feel like you want to die a little harder!
And everyday you feel like you want to cry a little harder!!!
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel,
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel,
Please cure this angel, unhappy angel now![/QUOTE]

Ok well, this could be better, use much work, and I dont think my crit was to much help but I tried to help, lol, ~jade