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View Full Version : A whale C o c k for a chicken's C u n t

TheMule
09-07-2005, 10:15 PM
Please critique this thing. The song doesn't really have anything to do with the title.. I will crit for crit


All the shadows in the sky
They melt over time
And all these memories alive
They die

And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled
And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled

And all the creatures in the room
They fly from the rain
And all the people by my side
They die

And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled
And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled

And all our enemies survive
They play in the rain
And how I wish I could rewind
And die

And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled
And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled
And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled
And I won't be my only
And I won't be misspelled....
BassMan182
09-08-2005, 03:50 PM
1) what's with the title?
2) "and i won't" is repeated way too much
kuyarey_pogi
09-08-2005, 05:46 PM
Yah I agree with what he said ^. and I wont is repeated too much. Unless you could pull it off like a with or without you it might sound a little annoying.
metaliq
09-09-2005, 05:15 PM
Sounds like Three Days Grace.

...

That's a REALLY bad thing.
TheMule
09-15-2005, 07:21 PM
Sounds like Three Days Grace.

...

That's a REALLY bad thing.

Thanks a lot, metaliq. Really great job making me feel like a failure. Thanks a lot. Really great critique. Seriously.
delmarindy
09-15-2005, 07:24 PM
I'll agree that it sounds like Three Days Grace...Which is terrible



http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=390049
Muse_
09-15-2005, 07:29 PM
I'm sure that these lyrics hold great personal significance to you, but from an outsider's perspective, they're kind of vague and non-commital.
Expand on a central theme, but don't become so absorbed with the tendrils of it that you forget to give the reader a glimpse into your thoughts about the theme.

I like some of the repitition, but it became overpowering by the end of the piece. When put to music, this might work just fine, but when reading it, it becomes boring after a while.

Nice overall.
squirrlemaster7
09-15-2005, 08:20 PM
i acculy kinda like the whole i wont thing im just thinking of how it would be sung i think it would be pretty cool


an three days grace is a pretty good band