Noku
08-22-2005, 09:47 AM
Please don't let my notes bother you... only the 1st verse is a bit of a mess up because verses are kind of tricky in this song. I will crit for crit and I'd appreciate any comments... it's just frustrating that after critting some 20 songs I got nothing in return. At least someone could tell me if it is totally fucekd up so I could fix it. I am not a native english speaker so I do have many grammar mistakes and stuff like that, please feel free to point them out.
Things You Can't Buy
Clean intro (?)
Verse 1
What do you want, girl? <--- Ironic (Cooper style)
Come on, everybody does <--- Kind of shouted out loud
At least something, <--- Again ironic (Cooper style)
You --- can --- give ---,
But you --- won't --- get it - ba --- ck <--- Streched vocals, kind of You Could Be Mine feel
Fill 1
Pre-Chorus
I can sell you, everything you want,
But why wouldn't, you take it for free?
In the end, I am just selling <--- Streched "end"
All the things I've never bought
Chorus
//Risign and streched last syllabel
Three second chances for the price of two
One childhood with golden frames, just for you
Buy a new life and you'll get free memories too
Something that makes a difference, any curency will do
Fill 2
Verse 2
You need love and friends
Come on, everybody does
But it's just something
You can give
But might never get it back
Fill 1
Pre-Chorus
I can sell you everything you want,
But why wouldn't you take it for free?
In the end I am just selling
All the things I've never bought
Chorus 2
Three real friends for the price of two
Special someone with diamond rings, just for you
Buy a new heart and you'll get free love - , too <--- pause after "love"
Faith to believe everything is fine, any currency will do
Fill 2
Verse 3
Maybe you need time by yourself
Come on, everybody does
But it's just something
You can take
But may never get it back
Fill 1
Pre-Chorus
I can sell you everything you want,
But why wouldn't you take it for free?
In the end I am just selling
All the things I've never bought
Chorus 3
Three special moments for the price of two
All the answers with platin covers, just for you
Buy a new self-esteem and you'll get free attitude too
Map to find yourself again, any currency will do
Fill 2b
Clean slow arrpeggio break and 1st solo
What is it with, you girl?
Everythig I do, just won't do for you
I am driving crazy, I am sorry I do
But in the end, I just want to help you
Maybe it's just that, I dreamed of you
And I am sorry, that I do
Inside, I know it's not you
It's just my dream, that wont' come true
Variation of drums and introduction of 2nd solo
But I hope you understand
I want to be your friend too
That's all I can say, but is it okay?
Forgive my faulty kindness towards you
I just want to be your friend, I really do <--- Streched last syllabel and launch of 2nd solo
Clean slow appreggio again
But in the end I am just a guy, with-out - love
And I have to pretend, I am not - that - guy
But sometimes things you pretend, will - come - true
Someday, I --- might become --- just a friend --- for you <--- Fill riff begins
Either Pre-Chorus or Chorus riff
Clean intro again
Verse 4 (Slightly altered)
Why don't you want me girl?
Come on, nobody does
At least someone,
Could give you everything,
And take nothing in return
But who want's a desperate friend? <--- Ending melody
_______________________________________
Well, I just wrote this piece of crap from top of my head :confused:
But I guess I had right amount of inspiration but I am affraid it is too whiney. It's just when you get dumbed four times in a row by girls with whom you wouldn't have to pretend your emotions. The ones you thoought that might be something special. After short friendship you decide to check the cards and reveal everything, you will lose a dream and you ain't good enough to be a friend anymore. You just ruined the illusion of working friendship for them, just because you can't hide and escape your emotions. I think that is what this song was about. Any crits and comments are welcome. I will edit this song and compile some music and maybe post some recording in someday soon. But please, crit and help me to make it better!
Things You Can't Buy
Clean intro (?)
Verse 1
What do you want, girl? <--- Ironic (Cooper style)
Come on, everybody does <--- Kind of shouted out loud
At least something, <--- Again ironic (Cooper style)
You --- can --- give ---,
But you --- won't --- get it - ba --- ck <--- Streched vocals, kind of You Could Be Mine feel
Fill 1
Pre-Chorus
I can sell you, everything you want,
But why wouldn't, you take it for free?
In the end, I am just selling <--- Streched "end"
All the things I've never bought
Chorus
//Risign and streched last syllabel
Three second chances for the price of two
One childhood with golden frames, just for you
Buy a new life and you'll get free memories too
Something that makes a difference, any curency will do
Fill 2
Verse 2
You need love and friends
Come on, everybody does
But it's just something
You can give
But might never get it back
Fill 1
Pre-Chorus
I can sell you everything you want,
But why wouldn't you take it for free?
In the end I am just selling
All the things I've never bought
Chorus 2
Three real friends for the price of two
Special someone with diamond rings, just for you
Buy a new heart and you'll get free love - , too <--- pause after "love"
Faith to believe everything is fine, any currency will do
Fill 2
Verse 3
Maybe you need time by yourself
Come on, everybody does
But it's just something
You can take
But may never get it back
Fill 1
Pre-Chorus
I can sell you everything you want,
But why wouldn't you take it for free?
In the end I am just selling
All the things I've never bought
Chorus 3
Three special moments for the price of two
All the answers with platin covers, just for you
Buy a new self-esteem and you'll get free attitude too
Map to find yourself again, any currency will do
Fill 2b
Clean slow arrpeggio break and 1st solo
What is it with, you girl?
Everythig I do, just won't do for you
I am driving crazy, I am sorry I do
But in the end, I just want to help you
Maybe it's just that, I dreamed of you
And I am sorry, that I do
Inside, I know it's not you
It's just my dream, that wont' come true
Variation of drums and introduction of 2nd solo
But I hope you understand
I want to be your friend too
That's all I can say, but is it okay?
Forgive my faulty kindness towards you
I just want to be your friend, I really do <--- Streched last syllabel and launch of 2nd solo
Clean slow appreggio again
But in the end I am just a guy, with-out - love
And I have to pretend, I am not - that - guy
But sometimes things you pretend, will - come - true
Someday, I --- might become --- just a friend --- for you <--- Fill riff begins
Either Pre-Chorus or Chorus riff
Clean intro again
Verse 4 (Slightly altered)
Why don't you want me girl?
Come on, nobody does
At least someone,
Could give you everything,
And take nothing in return
But who want's a desperate friend? <--- Ending melody
_______________________________________
Well, I just wrote this piece of crap from top of my head :confused:
But I guess I had right amount of inspiration but I am affraid it is too whiney. It's just when you get dumbed four times in a row by girls with whom you wouldn't have to pretend your emotions. The ones you thoought that might be something special. After short friendship you decide to check the cards and reveal everything, you will lose a dream and you ain't good enough to be a friend anymore. You just ruined the illusion of working friendship for them, just because you can't hide and escape your emotions. I think that is what this song was about. Any crits and comments are welcome. I will edit this song and compile some music and maybe post some recording in someday soon. But please, crit and help me to make it better!