Reason of Doubt

[Sacking101]

Hows this one:

It's a heavy metal song...

EDIT: Changes made



Reason of Doubt

I feel you watching me, under my skin.
I feel you next to me, over again.

I know you’re over here, under the sun.
I know your everywhere, in everyone.

But if I cannot choose…
Why are you here only to lose?

And if tomorrow could be the day,
Would you spend it or cast it away?

In the echoes, of his trust.
Lies the question, lies the rust.

Your on the inside, crossing the planes.
He's fueling the energy, burning the flames.

And if I cannot choose…
Why are you here only to lose?

And if tomorrow was the day,
What would you do anyway?

I know your watching me, under my skin.
I feel him out there, immortal sin.

But are you really there, and is he?
Or are you just visions, blinding me?

But if I cannot choose…
Why are you here only to lose?

And if tomorrow could be the day,
Would you spend it or cast it away?

Beneath the illusions, under the stones.
Rests the truth now, a world unknown.

Found in the agony, lost in time.
Lies the answers, yours and mine.





So, what would you say...

[Love2Lust]

Alot of metal songs dont work with rhyming, but if you used it quite well. Adding more meat into this song would be beautiful. Imagery is amazing in this song I enjoyed this work. A great metal song if you ask me, good work bro.
9/10 just cause its using great imagery and thoughts...nice job

oh and if you have time.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9259804#post9259804

thanks!

[Sacking101]

Ride on man. I can say all the same on your piece there as well.

[ozzfest05]

"And if I cannot choose
Why are you here, only to lose " this should be changed

"In the echoes, of his trust
Lies the question, lies the rust" and this part aswell

they seem forced to me, might just be me but overall good one 7/10