it needs some work but please tell me what you think!

[nobodys_scared]

please help me out, i cant judge something i wrote so give us your opinion, cheers


its the hole in the soul and how it grips tight
lack of ambiton is just about right
and when i kneel before my peers
its one odd look before they leave

im saving ambition for a rainy day
when a ressurection grows near
nameless and I'm almost here
some blinding totem pole
resembling nothing at all
tears in your sleep soak through your finest hour

i cant stand this wait
this gulf of time
between misery and his company
a clock that is none the wiser,
a clock that doesnt care.

and one last idea i didnt write down
i wasnt born in this old town.





half decent or drunken ramblings? i need another opinion.

thanks

[ozzfest05]

ill give u half decent, some parts like "its the hole in the soul and how it grips tight
lack of ambiton is just about right"

u should start off the song with something else juss my opinion though...good job

i have one up Withering Away check it

[Love2Lust]

I think if you add alot more, and really work to get your point across as clearly as possible, then if could be a really cool song. Work up some verses, and a decent chorus and you my friend, have a song, haha. (nearly drunken ramblings...haha)