first post here

[JakeTheRake]

im not really sure about this

it has no title and hte music is badass
its about a girl i met at adave matthews concert this summer. it was my first concert and it was great

its more in a story form as opposed to most of the lyrics out today
it seems to me that thats the only hting i can come up with that makes any sense

untitled

its the best time of summer
it had been a while
since i had seen someone greet me
with a warm strangers smile
the hot ngiht started
with a good time in mind
little did i know that was the least i would find

the sun crept below the smoke rose above
i doubted tonight that i would find love
as the band started playing
a gril caught my eye
it took all of my courage
jsut to say hi

we started talking i asked her to dance
she was purely amazing
cute face, tight pants
wrapped in my arms
i held her so tight
we moved to hte music the res of the nihgt

whenever we kissed
it seemed liek so muc more
they ended the show
witha perfectr encore
i got her number
and one final kiss
this was a girl
iw as really gonna miss


criticize me please
thanks

[Atom Heart mother]

This is good, i like the storytelling method and how it progresses with each verse.


she was purely amazing
cute face, tight pants
wrapped in my arms

this is the only problem, when i read it these lines didnt seem to fit in too much.


But all in all 8/10

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

I'm sorry you had to sit through a DMB concert... poor poor white kid.

[Love2Lust]

i agree with atom, and unfortunately the song ended abrubtly. If you added some more and beefed it up in some spots, and fixed up what atom said, could be a good song!

[brood]

I'm sorry you had to sit through a DMB concert... poor poor white kid.

123

[Neoteric]

You lucky man :p The lyrics seem too Blink 182 for me but good job :thumb:

7/10

[JakeTheRake]

hey now dont hate on dave!

thanks for the help though you guys

[perry589]

You lucky man :p The lyrics seem too Blink 182 for me but good job :thumb:

7/10

:amaze: that's what i think.

[hantge30]

dmb the best

[Mookie]

The ryhming is kind of cliche.. but you get your message accross. It's alright I guess.

6/10