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View Full Version : Butterfly - please crit.

iainb
08-20-2005, 08:55 AM
I know it loks like there are loads of problems with the flow of the verses as a whole but its because the style of the song changes throughout. For example verses 1 and 4 are kind of fast rock, verse 2 is done as an acoustic section and verses 3 and 5 are rock again but a different speed and timing. Also, between verses 1 and 2 there is an instrumental and then another between verses 2 and 3. Hope that makes sense.

Verse 1
A Butterfly by any other name,
You're beautiful,
But always just outside my reach.

I want you for a second time,
It's been too long,
But I know you'll come round again

Verse 2
I had you,
You left,
You swore not to come back,
I knew if I waited enough you’d be mine.

I loved you,
You walked,
You left me bleeding
On my bedroom floor as you took my heart.

Verse 3
Come back to me,
Yeah come back to me,
Come back to me,
Set me free.

Come back me,
Don’t do this to me,
You’re breaking me,
Just set me free.

Verse 4
A mountain lion by any other name,
You're beautiful,
But you’d rip my throat out in an instant.

I got to leave this ****ing town,
It’s so sad,
That everywhere reminds me of you.

Verse 5
Come back to me,
Don’t come back to me,
Stay away from me,
Set me free.

Leave me be,
Don’t do this to me,
You’re smothering me,
Just set me free.
bassist105
08-20-2005, 09:19 AM
:thumb: It's a cool song, I can see where you're comin from, but I'm not sure about the 4th verse...
iainb
08-20-2005, 11:10 AM
yeah i was running low on ideas by the 4th verse. I'll probably change it when I get something better to fit
bassist105
08-20-2005, 11:12 AM
Come back to me,
Don’t come back to me,
Stay away from me,
Set me free.

Is it supposed to go like that? Come back, and then don't?
iainb
08-20-2005, 11:33 AM
yeah lol, it's meant to show a change of heart and indecision. guess it doesn't show it very well though
Synesthesia_RC43
08-20-2005, 11:43 AM
I think i understood it, i think its pretty interesting what you said about the song structure. do you have this song recorded?
iainb
08-20-2005, 11:47 AM
not yet, at the moment it only has guitar and keyboards worked out. I'm halfway through writing the bass line but because I've done all the parts by myself and haven't had a band practice since starting it, i haven't been able to record it.