Foolish Girl. (crit please)

[hopefulrocker]

Not finished. Wanted to know what people thought about a certain part of the song.

Surrounded girl who still feels so alone
the party lights cant keep that smile for long
i guess she thinks she'll chase her pain away
until she makes the same mistakes again

now heres a girl who all the bad boys know
theyre making sure her nights are not her own
theyre blinding her from the error of her way
Foolish girl will make the same mistakes again.

Cant see whats wrong,dont know why she still cries
she tries to hide the sadness in her eyes
not coming clean, but she aint foolin me
foolish girl, i know her, she knows me


my question is about the last two lines. Is it taboo to write the same ending word twice?

[LoserFriendly]

no sometimes it can work for the flow.

e.g.

You burnt bridges to stop me
built shutters to block me

It can work, in my opinion.

[Behind Zildjians]

wierd thing to write about... but pretty good... use more imagery words though

7.5/10

check mine out

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=375731

[Wannabe Steve Harris]

It's got potential. I would say maybe a 7/10 so far but a little tweaking and finishing it may certainly bump that up.

Using same word to rhyme is done plenty of times. I would just say use sparringly.