FIrst Song - Warriors Story

[IronMcMaiden]

Firstly this is a power metal song so if you're not into that type of music I'd rather you didn't comment on the song since power metal has very odd and cheesy lyrics. Keep in mind this is my first attempt.
Anyway here it is:

Warriors Story

The time has come
The war is here
Enslave the young
Destroy their fear

The beast appears in the still of the night
And we the chosen ones born to fight
Chase him through the land and sea
Nowhere is safe from me

Hatred rises as death draws near
Future becoming much more clear
Soon we will live what we have seen
Wishing it was all a dream

Darkness. Hatred. Torment.
Lifeless. Anger. Bloodshed.

The heat of the flames as the buildings burn
The smell of the corpses as they rot in the sun
Cries of the men as they charge to their death
Blood on their hands as they finish the rest
Soon this nightmare will come to an end
And only then will we no longer defend

The beast lies still against its will
Its time is short and power withered
With one final blow it will be silenced
And only then can we live again

The war is gone
But will soon return
For I’ve become
The beast you fear

[ozzfest05]

dont worry im definetely a metal fan, and i enjoyed your lyrics although so parts dont flow very well, and i would consider a different ending i didnt really enjoying the one you posted, it should end with a high note rethink it thats all...hats off,

check some of mine out if you get the chance, i have a few...

[Behind Zildjians]

kinda... gothic? but very very good in my oppinion, if you removed the corpses thing it would be a 10/10, i think a 9/10 though, keep it up

[Wannabe Steve Harris]

Yeah I think overall it's a decent metal lyric. Not to over the top but strong. I would say a 7.5 out of 10 in that genre. Could use a little tweaking.