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View Full Version : New Lyric...ballad-ish.


Wannabe Steve Harris
08-06-2005, 12:27 AM
A more recent lyric...kinda somewhere between "acoustic alternative" and "rockish folk" maybe.

It was a long time ago, you and I
Many days, many nights, seems like forever
It's so hard to forget the way you loved me with your eyes
Holding my heart in the fingers of your stare

I gave myself to you, let you climb past the walls
Let you dance in the playground of my soul
I was smiling and spinning in the dizziness of you
Embracing the rush like a child on a swing

The passion of your love for me was like wine
I would drink the moments away with you
Never feeling the ground begin to shake
Too entranced to see the waves begin to crest

Chorus:

Is the love you feel that's deepest
Worth the days in pain
Can the days spent in sunshine
Also survive the rain?
If I choose to love her without question
Will my heart be able to survive
When you only choose to love in safety
Are you ever really alive?


Sometimes passion can be the friend of anger
Sometimes we love so much it hurts
When I let my guard down and held your hand
You showed me a place I never thought I'd see

I thought the idea of you was enough to sustain me
Your voice was the hand that gave me balance
Your smile the breath to fill my lungs
But it wasn't always you I was loving in my mind's eye

I discovered in you places I never wanted to go
And at the same time I became a child again
In love and crazy and fearless forever
I mingled with desire, obesession and madness

Chorus

Seeing you here again, catching my eye from across the room
Caressed in the light of my memories
I have filtered out the heartache and pain
And I can only see love, unbridled and true

It was so hard to walk away that day in September
A thousand voices screaming for me to go
But the one pleading calmly to move on with my life
Was the one heard loudest on that afternoon

So hear you are again, standing so close I can hear you breath
I can feel the tremors starting from deep within
My heart's never safe when it's beating near you
But it's never happy when it's so far away

Chorus

Any thoughts?

Wannabe Steve Harris
08-06-2005, 10:10 AM
Any suggestions for a title would be cool too seeing as none of the ones I have posted yet have any.

Thanks.

ozzfest05
08-06-2005, 10:43 AM
Titles could be: Only you, My Crumbled Heart, passion for the price,

not too bad it could have flowed betta, like some of the wording you use though,
any particular reason you chose such a topic,, hit back..

Wannabe Steve Harris
08-06-2005, 12:55 PM
Titles could be: Only you, My Crumbled Heart, passion for the price,

not too bad it could have flowed betta, like some of the wording you use though,
any particular reason you chose such a topic,, hit back..


This was something that kinda came from a poem I wrote about a semi-turbulent relationship I had a number of years back. Of course, all my stuff isn't going to be about failed/relationships and pain, I do have some happy thoughts!

PunkyMcEmo
08-06-2005, 03:44 PM
i really liked this. like, a lot.
its romance, but doesnt sound whiney. you usaed great imagery and wasnt a bore to read. it also didnt make me think too hard (and thus overcrowd your song with imagery) i thought this was really good.
8.5/10

Wannabe Steve Harris
08-06-2005, 05:41 PM
i really liked this. like, a lot.
its romance, but doesnt sound whiney. you usaed great imagery and wasnt a bore to read. it also didnt make me think too hard (and thus overcrowd your song with imagery) i thought this was really good.
8.5/10

Well thanks very much...I'll look for stuff of yours to critique as well.

Behind Zildjians
08-06-2005, 09:04 PM
holy... one of the best lyrics ive read on this site!... kinda makes me miss my ex gf :lol: kinda like a mix of oldies and rock

keep it up my friend!
10/10

Wannabe Steve Harris
08-06-2005, 10:29 PM
holy... one of the best lyrics ive read on this site!... kinda makes me miss my ex gf :lol: kinda like a mix of oldies and rock

keep it up my friend!
10/10


Well thanks very much, I'll post more as i find my old ones and begin writing new ones.

You have any on here?

Behind Zildjians
08-06-2005, 10:53 PM
Well thanks very much, I'll post more as i find my old ones and begin writing new ones.

You have any on here?

yep, 2 actually, this is my newest one

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=375731

lol... kinda f ucked up

Wannabe Steve Harris
08-07-2005, 02:58 PM
yep, 2 actually, this is my newest one

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=375731

lol... kinda f ucked up


I don't think i found the other one but I'll keep looking.

panthersfan16
08-07-2005, 07:24 PM
maybe its cuz i can really relate, but these lyrics gave me chills... you're good at this

2nd stanza of 2nd chorus could use some refining, it lacks the flow of the rest of the song. I've read a good 150-200 songs here, and this is my favorite so far. Excellent job.

Wannabe Steve Harris
08-08-2005, 09:17 AM
maybe its cuz i can really relate, but these lyrics gave me chills... you're good at this

2nd stanza of 2nd chorus could use some refining, it lacks the flow of the rest of the song. I've read a good 150-200 songs here, and this is my favorite so far. Excellent job.

Wow, thanks a lot. I appreciate it. I am going to try and apply any/all of the feedback I get to the newest songs I start putting together. it's been helpful, thanks again.