Life a second time around (crit please)

[fender16strat]

Sing softley or speak.

through the sky....... and to the sea
let me fly away....... and set myself free
escape from this never ending, on going misery
Let me get to freedom, where is its key
So let me out and let me escape
Drop me off in a desserted cape

Sing this part

I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way

Sing softly or speak.

Ive been here for soooooo long
im tired of this place i know is wrong
take me away to where i yet have gone
take me far, to the land of bishops and pawns
i just want to forget where ive been
start over in a land of new horizons

Sing this part

I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way
I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way
Just let me free, i promise ill find my way

[Wannabe Steve Harris]

It's not too bad. Simple yet effective. I can almost hear it in a Maiden-ish kinda song but that could be because I was listening to them a minute ago.

[JigsawAndDice]

Sing softley or speak.

through the sky....... and to the sea
let me fly away....... and set myself free
escape from this never ending, on going misery
Let me get to freedom, where is its key
So let me out and let me escape
Drop me off in a desserted cape

Last two lines the rhyming sounded a bit forced

Sing this part

I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way

Sing softly or speak.

Ive been here for soooooo long
im tired of this place i know is wrong
take me away to where i yet have gone
take me far, to the land of bishops and pawns
i just want to forget where ive been
start over in a land of new horizons
I think the fourth line doesnt fit in

Sing this part

I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way
I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way
Just let me free, i promise ill find my way

Liked this last stanza. Just a few bits that I thought were not quite right but overall good 6.5/10

[fender16strat]

thx for the crits. can i get some more?

[PunkyMcEmo]

through the sky....... and to the sea
let me fly away....... and set myself free
escape from this never ending, on going misery
Let me get to freedom, where is its key
So let me out and let me escape
Drop me off in a desserted cape
^ id change the 4th line, but not the key part. thats cool. change it to like 'freedoms door is locked, where is the key?' kinda thing. i dont like the last line. its a little too random. otherwise, sounds good

Sing this part

I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way
^im diggin it. simple, but works

Sing softly or speak.

Ive been here for soooooo long
im tired of this place i know is wrong
take me away to where i yet have gone
take me far, to the land of bishops and pawns
i just want to forget where ive been
start over in a land of new horizons
^ lines 2 and 4 dont fit. id change them somehow. in line 5, you say 'i want' a lot in this song, so mebbe it could help ease up on that by rephrasing it? just an idea.
Sing this part

I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way
I need to get away, Give me my path to a new begining
i want to go away, Let me free ill find my way
Just let me free, i promise ill find my way
^ no comment here. it works, sounds good, and will be a good ending. :]

overall.... its decent. make the changes i said, itd be a solid 7.5-8/10. for now its 7/10

[ozzfest05]

i basically agree with wut has been posted so far, just switch up those areas and it should be a bit better good job tho. but make those changes kk im out