PDA

View Full Version : Run

Biancazzurri
08-05-2005, 04:32 AM
Blood on your hands,
And you find yourself in the center of a murder scene.
Dice is thrown - Start the game,
Clock will not go back
The morgue doesn't ressurect.

Flash of anger or self-defence?
Psycho or cold blooded planned case?
Even you don;t know whats right,
Terrified by what's done - Run!!!

<chorus>
Scared and brave,
Bored and intersted,
Alive and already dead
Arena is changed everytime I think
Wait!

A haze comprehension of what's going on,
Something is not right here!
Colours fade and rush is stopped.
Game over, wake up, wake up.
espf-250htd06
08-05-2005, 10:10 AM
Iam not sure what all the contrast of words is about, idk i dont really get the song i see a guy that didnt mean to kill somebody and it makes him go insane but idk if thats right. alright but I really dont see it being a very interesting song. 6.5/10 thanks for the crit on my song
Biancazzurri
08-05-2005, 08:10 PM
bump
Behind Zildjians
08-05-2005, 08:50 PM
i dont get it... makes me think though... 7/10
Biancazzurri
08-06-2005, 09:52 AM
bump
ozzfest05
08-06-2005, 04:23 PM
it doesnt have any real flow, or rhytming scheme but it works i guess 5/10, needs work...also lacks rythm... but keep on writing

crit mine if u get the chance
Biancazzurri
08-13-2005, 05:27 AM
bump...
Happy_Squirrel
08-13-2005, 01:02 PM
Well, this one's kind of a train wreck, but it has some interesting lines.

Even you don;t know whats right,
Terrified by what's done - Run!!!

That was a clever line.

Overall, I see a collection of some interesting thoughts rather than a coherent piece. A start. 5/10
P.rocker
08-13-2005, 01:34 PM
Hmmmmm....no it's not good at all. It could use a lot of flow and better structure and when I read it, it kinda sounded like a rap song for some reason. What kind of music would you have put this song to anyway?
Biancazzurri
08-21-2005, 05:51 PM
cmon, somebody give a proper crit
Love2Lust
08-21-2005, 05:57 PM
okay not sure if this is some dudes dream or if its about a killing, or what. If you press some better rhyming on it, work up more verses and bridges you can have a decent set with this. Just work more on it and make the point clearer...like zildjians said...it is a thinker...
6.5/10 until some work is done