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View Full Version : [B]Metal songs. Ker-unch+Devil dance. Crit for crit.[/B]


Crimsonpunk
08-04-2005, 06:41 PM
These are songs i wrote a little while back for a heavier band i was doing vox for. Iv'e been thinking of re-using them mabye in a softer format. Any crits/suggestions would be much appreciated.


Ker-unch

Verse one
Cast aside and classified,
Like sight through glass eyes
No right to feel fine.
Cut a hole so deep and blast wide
Mastered fast tides, to sweep away now.

Unsaitable urges
To break your satisfied smirking
Wake to surge with hate
Protected by ignorance
Let's raise the stakes- see you impaled

Chorus
And i am too wrecked too care
We are, too wrecked to care
I see you there, too dead to care
Yeah, yeah, yeah.



Devil dance-

(Watch) As you line your numbers, in alphabetical order
(Wait) As you put them in a row and shoot them one by one
(And they Fall) As you put your numbers, in alphabetical order
(Wait) As you put them in a row and shoot them one by one and they fall

(Defeat) Just solace for you losses
(Heat) Iv'e never been so phucking cold in my life
(You) Were more me than i ever was
and i can't compete


Chorus
Wer'e not phucking slaves
In your twisted 8 machine
I'm no Phucking hero, but i'm no zero on your paycheck
And i won't die to save your name

Some are written to keep the flow of the music going, sort of 'live' lyrics, if that makes any sense. Again, appreciate any comments.
Btw- '8' is used as a metaphor for society in general, like a sort of infinite vicous circle
Cheerz
Demus

ozzfest05
08-05-2005, 10:22 AM
your first stanza is definetily the best part of your song the rest is a little sketchy, you should work on it so it will flow better, then again its metal lyrics and they probally sound sweet when sung,

check out some of mine Stand Up And Fight

Crimsonpunk
08-06-2005, 02:15 PM
Cheerz dude, there are two songs, but help none the less, anyone else?

ozzfest05
08-06-2005, 02:54 PM
sorry i was speaking of the first song Ker-unch i dont know why but that first stanza is off the hook, the chorus could use work, man that stanza if pretty rocking tho.

crit my The Buried And The Forgotten if u get the chance

Crimsonpunk
08-08-2005, 06:32 PM
Bump