Old fart rock'n'roller

[Oleg]

Please crit my latest one

"Old time rock'n'roller"

Being on the low budget aint no fun, y'know
But I can turn up my old Fender and steal the show
I know there's many new kids in town trying to keep me out of business
But it's no way to bring me down - I just take it easy

I still can rock and I'm able to roll
I can get you real high if you visit my ball
come and get some kicks
hey boys bring your chicks
I'll give you some joy ride all through the night

Some say that I'm an old fart rock'n'roller
But I still got some gas to burn
And I still got some balls to roll
If you need me just give me a call
And I'll come up with some rock'n'roll

Although my belly is growing
And my hair is turning grey
But I'm gonna take you home
If you are prepared to pay

Need to pay my bills you know
And I rock and roll for money
Some may say that Rock is dead
But I'm still alive and kicking. honey

[Gypsy Campervan]

Try sorting it into stanzas.

[PunkyMcEmo]

eh. its not horrible. the third stanza doesnt fit. id trash it.
last stanza isnt great either but i looked at it, and you could make it slightly better by
changing it to this:
'Need to pay my bills you know
And I rock and roll for cash
Some may say that Rock is dead
But I'm still alive and kicking ***'

i think thatd work better. not a bad song, just not really good either. it needs a lot of work making it flow, and it doesnt have a whole lotta imagery. good attempt though. keep on writin

[ozzfest05]

i agree with PunkyMcEmo change the last stanza, but the topic is really lame, you should write with more energy and maybe even abstract, keep working on it..
check out mineStand Up And Fight (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=374126) or A Fallen Soldier (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=373630) or Highly Contagious (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=374368)