Aurora Borealis

[Jypee]

How it feels
Having so much illusions in a heart beat
Breaking through your whole world
Your imagination is melting into dreams
Wide awake everything seems unseen
You close your eyes and wander
In the black path of your mind
Could you find yourself a way?
Out of dependence and need of fantasy?

It’s so much easier when you can build it inside you
Make your own life into a real wonderland
But it hurts so much when you fall down

Did you bleed
When consciousness stabbed you in the back
Did you cried and moaned
When curtains announced the black
Your theater closed and your eyes are still cold
Open to the world and see the truth
There’s nothing heaven sent but anyhow
It’s a pretty good place to live after all
Can’t you see it’s better than to see you crawl

It’s so much easier when you can build it inside you
Make your own life into a real wonderland
But it hurts so much when you fall down

Take my hand (There’s nothing to fear)
I’ll guide you out of me, finally (I know the road)
No more illusions, no more dreams (There’s nothing to fear)
I’ll be a good realistic boy
So no one comes out home (They don’t know the road)
Pretending I’m a fool, drowning (Realistic boy)

It’s so much easier when you can build it inside you
Make your own life into a real wonderland
But it hurts so much when you fall down

[Iron_Weed]

How it feels
Having so much illusions in a heart beat
Breaking through your whole world
Your imagination is melting into dreams
Wide awake everything seems unseen
You close your eyes and wander
In the black path of your mind
Could you find yourself a way?
Out of dependence and need of fantasy?

Wow, this is amazing. It has a nice psychadelic, trippy feel to it. No complaints.

It’s so much easier when you can build it inside you
Make your own life into a real wonderland
But it hurts so much when you fall down

This is alright, but not outstanding imo. Nothing really wrong with it just doesn't jump out at you like the first verse.

Did you bleed
When consciousness stabbed you in the back
Did you cried and moaned
When curtains announced the black
Your theater closed and your eyes are still cold
Open to the world and see the truth
There’s nothing heaven sent but anyhow
It’s a pretty good place to live after all
Can’t you see it’s better than to see you crawl

First four lines are really bad imo. Just poorly phrased and not very interesting. Fifth line isn't very good either, sixth line would sound better as "Open to the world and seeing the truths" which you probably meant to write anyway. Seventh line, I like but your last two aren't very good and kinda kill the mood imo.

It’s so much easier when you can build it inside you
Make your own life into a real wonderland
But it hurts so much when you fall down

Take my hand (There’s nothing to fear)
I’ll guide you out of me, finally (I know the road)
No more illusions, no more dreams (There’s nothing to fear)
I’ll be a good realistic boy
So no one comes out home (They don’t know the road)
Pretending I’m a fool, drowning (Realistic boy)

I don't really like any of the back up vocal things in the brackets. Your first line is pretty boring, your second line is good, third line is also pretty kickass, fourth line is alright but seems like it has the potential to be much better if you phrased it differently, I like your fifth line. Your last line again is alright but like your forth could definatly be phrased better.

Man I love your first verse so much, it's just so well written. But unfortunately it kinda falls into mediocrity after it. Try to recapture the mood of your first verse throughout the rest of the song.

9/10


Could you please crit my new song Jimmy was a Superhero?
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=372475

[ozzfest05]

i like the words that are being said but it has no flow, your first stanza is definetely your best, it falls apart near the end, maybe consider reworking some of it to get better rhythm, i do like it though, words are great..

i have a few songs, crits would be appreciated,

Stand Up And Fight (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=374126) ,A Fallen Soldier (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=373630)

[Jypee]

Thanks guys, I'll check it and revise it for sure.

I'll go and crit your things.