School days need crit please

[fender16strat]

Remember when you woke up so happy
Another day was here another memory
Just one more you could put in the books
Another wonderful day that the past took

Take me back to the old school days
Where The bell rang and it was time to play

Time goes bye but we still try
Try to bring back the good ol' times
When life was easy going, few worries
Nothing to do on schedule and no hurries

Take me back to the old school days
Where The bell rang and it was time to play

O gee i really miss those memories
I wish i could return those years
If only i could go back in the past
I would experiance fun times and many laughs

Take me back to the old school days
Where The bell rang and it was time to play

[PunkyMcEmo]

yo scottt. haha this song reminds me of my song 'watson its really elementary' that i wrote a while ago. really catchy song. anyways, ill crit you.

Remember when you woke up so happy
Another day was here another memory
Just one more you could put in the books
Another wonderful day that the past took
^ nice verse. theyve got little flow problems thatd make them hard to sing tho. line 3 had 10 syllables, 4 and like 13 or something. in any case, minor tweaking would solve that. just a word here and there.

Take me back to the old school days
Where The bell rang and it was time to play
^ decent chorus. a little cliche, but choruses can be, provided its sung in a catchy way.

Time goes bye but we still try
Try to bring back the good ol' times
When life was easy going, few worries
Nothing to do on schedule and no hurries
^ 'still we try' might sound better in line 1. line 2 is pretty solid. i dont like 'easy going' in line 3. it doesnt fit. maybe mess with that a bit? try 'when life was nice, we had no worries' or something to that extent. line 4 would be good, but is really awkward. the idea is great. maybe say 'our schedules clear, no need to hurry' it flows better

Take me back to the old school days
Where The bell rang and it was time to play

O gee i really miss those memories
I wish i could return those years
If only i could go back in the past
I would experiance fun times and many laughs
^ memories doesnt work here. its too clunky a word. maybe times, days, but youve already used those a lot. try to rephrase it a little. in the last line, experience fun times doesnt really fit. your main problem with lyrics is that it doesnt flow. better content will come with practice and getting ideas from all around you, but you need to keep it so it flows within a line now so you get in that habit. count the syllables if you have to and match them up. otherwise, not bad.

overall. decent. needs definite flow work. haha we should collaborate on my old song and melt them together, then well have something else to play live. keep practicin man. and when i get another song up that im not ashamed of (the last one sounded a lot better before i posted it) you can critique me. keep on writin

[fender16strat]

thx gene

[espf-250htd06]

boring for the most part, different subject but extremly striaght forward, idk this is a hard song to do and not make chilish sounding not bad 6/10 check out my song awaiting eternity thanks cya