Silent Forever

[JaggedJunkie]

Hi there,

I'm rather new to this forum, but I'm really liking it.

I'm just starting out playing guitar, but even before I started playing guitar I would write songs. Now that I'm slowly picking up the guitar, I'm starting to finish some old stuff I've had lying around. Here's a song I completed a few days ago. It may read as if it's a little incoherent, but it was all in the moment, so I didn't really want to go back and change it up.

Silent Forever

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt
And I know you'd see right through me
With all the bullets fired and daggers thrown
How could you even be in one piece?

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't affected
And I know I don't put on a very good show
With all the pain and the emotional ride
How could you leave without being affected as well?

(Chorus)
Now that times have changed and time has passed
Have you been able to change at all?
I've kept this quiet for way too long now
Did you actually think I could stay silent forever?

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't messy
And I know I don't clean up pieces very well
With punches being thrown and heads being blown off
How could you say it ended bitterly?

I'd be lying if I said I was sorry
And I know you show no remorse
With the constant verbal flames igniting
How could you say we didn't crash and burn?

(Chorus)

What could we have done different?
What crime have we committed?
What part of it was supposedly eraseable?
(But neither one of us want to forget?)

(Chorus)

(Whisper:)
Did you expect me to come back and bite you in the a**?

-Chris

[Sarcophagi]

All good, except the whisper.

[VanitysNewGun]

yeah, I don't know about the whisper, but other than that I liked it, it flowed well.

[aerialrevenge]

I liked it. You have lyrical flow down better then I. You used 'I'd be lying' alot to start out the verses, and it seems to keep the song glued together in a good way. (It probably is there to express something in a certain way, so it's probably good). Somehow it seemed like every verse was saying the same thing in a different way, which is cool. You got the point across, but not bluntly (I have a hard time doing that).

What i didnt like was the whole 'heads being blown off' in line 3 of verse 3. I'm sure other people will like it, and it serves it's purpose well, but i just didnt want to imagine someone's head getting blown off ;p. Also, i know rhyming isnt always important, but i didnt notice much of it in this song.

Overall 8/10
Good flow, subtle yet potent lyrics, good topic.

[espf-250htd06]

kinda cool kinda different, yet cliche as hell idk i can see it being an alright song but not really a song i woudl like, decent writing just a ****ty subject i think. 6/10 check out my song awaiting eternity thanks cya