New Lyrics- I Cant Do This

[InMe]

Here are my latest lyrics, they were wrote in a mood of depression. They may sound quite weird and rubbish to you but please give me your opinion on them. Thanks muchos.

I Cant Do This
Let me cry on you and
Dampen your sprits with my tiny tears
You may reflect my words
And convince me your the same
But the truth remains
And you can hold onto whoever you want

Looking at my pictures
And what you have said about me
Causes friction between my
depression and beliefs
I want to freeze my body to my closest
Opinion that i enjoy
And stay together forever

Continuing in a state of suicidal
Images appearing in my head
Whilst im trying to distance myself
from making them a reality
Survival will be won if i find you sweet
Pure in my arms

Looking at my pictures
And what you have said about me
Causes friction between my
depression and beliefs
I want to freeze my body to my closest
Opinion that i enjoy
And stay together forever

Three bodys stand
Two are taken with me remaining
The ones taken get what i want
The amount i want this rises
from day to day

Looking at my pictures
And what you have said about me
Causes friction between my
depression and beliefs
I want to freeze my body to my closest
Opinion that i enjoy
And stay together forever
My actions know what they have commited
They know i cant do this

[Sarcophagi]

Overall, the lyrics aren't bad, but you need to work on the flow. There is absolutely no rhythm to the song.

[Ner]

absolutely corny work on flow, rhyms, and making the lines not clunky

[ozzfest05]

not too bad of lyrics seems like its missing energy tho, and i dont like then ending so maybe rework the ending or add sumething in i think if it ended betta the song would come together more.

thanx for the crit on mine, also i have "A Fallen Soldier"

[VanitysNewGun]

it was alright...it seemed pretty choppy to me though, try and smooth it out some :)

[aerialrevenge]

I agree with ^them^. And add that it would make a great poem. If you can put music to it and add at least some rhyming, it would make a good song, with a good topic.