Newer Song, Again its Crit for Crit so leave a link.

[EmoMagnum]

This is more recent, but its still one of my older songs. I like this one alot, so please dont go easy on it. The last chorus switch-up thing is supposed to be a kind of dual singing thing, where someone sings along right behind the main part of the chorus, basically starting the line halfway through the line preceding it. I think its one of my better ones and would like to know what you all think.

Remember, leave a link to your song and Ill get right to it.

Written by: Bryan Brewster
Date: December 13, 2004


".....Something about Fairies and Tears"

[Verse 1]
If you could see into my misery
You’d see why we're a perfect fit
Im half full and you’re half empty
Why I get you , you dont get

More than You’d ever think anyone could’ve
More than Id ever believe I would’ve
You say, "Honestly I don’t think you should’ve"
Maybe this is where we're meant

{Chorus}
Hear your tears, keeping me awake
One final chance with everything at stake
Called out over miles of lines, and smiles
Keeping memories of then in picture perfect files

[Verse 2]
4:30 again and again you’re in my head
Promises rolled off our tongues like so many tears we shed
And Ill admit it never was that easy
Getting through your walls, You’d laugh while you just tease me

Noone else could ever be this good
Inside your head, you wish they could
But noone else will ever know
Just write it off and hope it goes

{Chorus}

Hear your tears, keeping me awake
{So don’t tell me that it hurts}
One final chance with everything at stake
{Its understood we've done our worst}
Called out over miles of lines, and smiles
{Chances gone and overly faded}
Keeping memories of then in picture perfect files
{Tattoo's of doubts and wishes that never made it}

[HypnotiQSorcerer]

".....Something about Fairies and Tears"
i really like this title!


If you could see into my misery
You’d see why we're a perfect fit
Im half full and you’re half empty
Why I get you , you dont get

good starting line
i don't like the fourth sentence though
it can get confusing

More than You’d ever think anyone could’ve
More than Id ever believe I would’ve
You say, "Honestly I don’t think you should’ve"
Maybe this is where we're meant

i've never seen could've, would've, should've rhymed, and i would normally think its kinda cheezy,
but somehow it fits
i dunno i might have to red this one again

{Chorus}
Hear your tears, keeping me awake
One final chance with everything at stake
Called out over miles of lines, and smiles
Keeping memories of then in picture perfect files

i have a problem with the third line
i dunno it always trips me up

[Verse 2]
4:30 again and again you’re in my head
Promises rolled off our tongues like so many tears we shed
And Ill admit it never was that easy
Getting through your walls, You’d laugh while you just tease me

mmm i dunno, it doesn't flow with the rest of the verses
maybe try consolidating the lines syllable wise

Noone else could ever be this good
Inside your head, you wish they could
But noone else will ever know
Just write it off and hope it goes

123, basically like the other verses
{Chorus}

Hear your tears, keeping me awake
{So don’t tell me that it hurts}
One final chance with everything at stake
{Its understood we've done our worst}
Called out over miles of lines, and smiles
{Chances gone and overly faded}
Keeping memories of then in picture perfect files
{Tattoo's of doubts and wishes that never made it}
you don't elaborate on the sittuation
its good to be vague but this is a little too vague
you really need to work on the content
cause with a good title like that your probably gonna piss off alot of people lol

people tend to judge books by the cover , which i did

but this is surely formidable,
keep working at it

i'll give it 7/10

[EmoMagnum]

Lol..Thanks for the critique. I know its really vague, I wrote it like that deliberately. The title came from an ex-gf who was getting a tattoo of a Faerie in a Teardrop. This song is basically about her, and the title just came along with the song. Me and her were always up and down and blah blah blah, and this came along as a result of that.

Lol..maybe I shouldve said all this at the start huh?

Again, thanks for the Critique. If you have something youd want me to look at let me know.

[forgotton fire]

very, very nice. i really can't find anything wrong with it. i love the ideas and the wording. if i heard it with music you'd get a ten but for now 8.5/10. once again, very nice

[forgotton fire]

maybe i'm being too nice...hypno is right about it being a liittle to vague but my score stands

[islamicbob5342]

I don't know about the flow but the way you write is really interesting- it's a song about a girl but it's not generic. I like the first verse more than the 2nd. I gotta go though I'll say moire later.

[islamicbob5342]

This is more recent, but its still one of my older songs. I like this one alot, so please dont go easy on it. The last chorus switch-up thing is supposed to be a kind of dual singing thing, where someone sings along right behind the main part of the chorus, basically starting the line halfway through the line preceding it. I think its one of my better ones and would like to know what you all think.

Remember, leave a link to your song and Ill get right to it.

Written by: Bryan Brewster
Date: December 13, 2004


".....Something about Fairies and Tears"

[Verse 1]
If you could see into my misery
You’d see why we're a perfect fit
Im half full and you’re half empty
Why I get you , you dont get

More than You’d ever think anyone could’ve
More than Id ever believe I would’ve
You say, "Honestly I don’t think you should’ve"
Maybe this is where we're meant

I like the beggining a lot- last line of 1st stanza is awkward though. The "couldve wouldve shouldve" thing also looks kind of funny on paper. I don't know about in song. "Meant" seems like an abrupt ending- shouldn't it be meant to be or something?

{Chorus}
Hear your tears, keeping me awake
One final chance with everything at stake
Called out over miles of lines, and smiles
Keeping memories of then in picture perfect files

Interesting lines but the syllables are really thrown off. It would flow better if the lines were the same length. But at least you're not saying everything in the same old generic way (like I could be accused of)

[Verse 2]
4:30 again and again you’re in my head
Promises rolled off our tongues like so many tears we shed
And Ill admit it never was that easy
Getting through your walls, You’d laugh while you just tease me

This verse seems all over the place- completely disconnected. Some focus would do it good. Also "You’d laugh while you just tease me" makes very little sense to me.

Noone else could ever be this good
Inside your head, you wish they could
But noone else will ever know
Just write it off and hope it goes

I don't know what it means but it works, because all the lines are the same length and it therefore flows well.

{Chorus}

Hear your tears, keeping me awake
{So don’t tell me that it hurts}
One final chance with everything at stake
{Its understood we've done our worst}
Called out over miles of lines, and smiles
{Chances gone and overly faded}
Keeping memories of then in picture perfect files
{Tattoo's of doubts and wishes that never made it}

I really like this dual vocals thing. And I like that last line about tatoos and wishes.



Overall a good song that manages to avoid being generic through interesting language. And yet because of this it seems more disjointed and less solid than other more plainly written songs. Good beginning and end though. I'd give it a C+/B-

[andysmit]

there were a few things thats seemed slightly out of placed then some users have already pointed out, but overall this was a good song
8.7/10