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View Full Version : Here's My Hand......


youkilledkurt
07-21-2005, 12:53 AM
those would be the verses i dont know what to put for a chorus or bridge any help with that would be much appreicated



temporiarily relieved of my fears
but they will always come back my dear
im the closest thing you should have to a razor
ill cut you deep enough to know
that nothing matters to anyone
its not your fault
dont take the blame
dont bother playing their stupid games
my point of view from both angles
shows me now that true pain in unavoidable
lonliness family friends
all your problems wont ever go away

unless you face your fears be the bigger person

dont take the blame
its not your fault
ill lead you straight to happiness
your knives,your scisiors your pins and guns
put them all away
dont take the blame its all their fault
make them take the pain
the pain you dont deserve
the pain in your head
make them say they were wrong
and it was al their fault
i really care, i really do
about all the things they bring on you

i really care i really do
all the thigns they put you through
here i am ill make thigns better
ill be the gun to your head
relieving all your sorrow
ill be the one ot take the blame
the blame you dont deserve
ill be here just talk to me
i always want to learn

this is the second thing i have posted and i think it is pretty good all i want to know is if i have any bad habit and things like that thank you very much for read it

youkilledkurt
07-21-2005, 01:01 PM
will someone tell me what they think eh?

A_Perfect_Sonnet
07-21-2005, 01:06 PM
No.

andysmit
07-21-2005, 01:18 PM
uhh, i get from this song that someone is committing suicide, ..... the whole thing you might want to redo, i got bored reading the lyrics, maybe if you had music it would be better, i dont know, 3/10

DazedMountainTop
07-21-2005, 01:22 PM
^
I'm with that guy. Except I would've rated it like, a 2.

StrangelyBrewed13
07-21-2005, 02:16 PM
Its really a show not tell kind of song. You talk all this stuff about sucicide without showing anything. Any way thats my input. 2/10 heres mine for crit http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367799