1st song. crit for crit

[fingis]

I dont have a name for this song. and i know it sucks **** but im posting it anyway.

I. will not be there for you.
I. will not come through for you.
It's hard but it is true.

(chorus)
I cannot pretend.
You are not my freind.
I have wounds that will not mend.

You. would have been there for me.
You. would have come through for me.
it's easy but not true.

(chorus)x2

[StrangelyBrewed13]

I dont like how you use the same word as a ryhme. You should try something new. It isn **** and you shouldnt say that. People only have faith if you have faith in yourself. THe song also seems really short try adding a new verse. The ryhmes seem a little bit forced. Heres mine http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367799

[jade858907]

Sorry but the rhyme scheme is wrong, its too redundent. Fix that and it could be pretty good. ~jade (this is just my opinion i dont like the whole repetitive rhyming)

[Taking You Back]

ok i wrote this song after my girlfriend dumped me for some jackass so if it sounds a little sappy plz forgive

im waiting for you
trying to call but you dont answer
why did you have to leave me here
so cold and alone

(chorus)
what is there to see
what is there to love
havnt i given you everything you;d ever need
isnt it just to bad that we werent meant to be

showing all i can
closing on your hand
trying to tell you that im the one

you look away
i made the mistake
of thinkin that you had the heart to show me love

(chorus)

now that its all said and done
who was left in the cold
who who was left alone
he said he could be your man
that he'd do everything he can
but did he even try to hide her from you

(bridge)
(chorus)x2

[islamicbob5342]

why didn't you just create your own topic? thought this guy's **** song would make yours look better did you? because if so you were successful. Sorry fingis but that song is really bad.

[fingis]

well it's my first attempt

[islamicbob5342]

Yeah thats cool man I'm not trying to be mean- well maybe just a little bit. Honestly when I first started writing songs my songs were absolute ****. Actually I do like some of this song, like the way the verses parralel each other. On the other hand some lines like "You are not my friend" could clearly be a lot better. And overall the song could definitely be expanded on, with more than just 2 similar verses and 4 repeated choruses. But keep it up, eventually you will probably be on here with a real good song. And Chuck might even give you the thumbs up like this ( :thumb: )

By the way my song is here if you want to return the favor:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367383