[B]New Song Very Dark Crit 4 Crit[B]

[intuendogroup]

New Song/Poem Very Dark Crit 4 Crit



This song/poem is very dark and very emotional to me so please be constructive in your crits and please add a mark out of ten.

Worthless Life
Day by day
just wasting away
So wasted I don't
even know who i
am anymore

I stare at my reflection
and see that i've turned
into the person
i swore never to be

nothing helps
i'm a lost cause
I pause and
stroke The cold metal
The cold metal
that can create peace
and stop all my grief

My whole life ended in
one short movement
life is priceless
but oh so painfull
It's not worth
the effort of ending my
Worthless Life

[Electric Riley]

It is pretty dark, but more complexity and levels would have made it moreso. Its fairly good, most part are decent and the flow is good. It just needs something else to make it more "sinister". I usually am not a fan of repitition but you've used it well. This is also pretty cliché. Just for once can you cut yourself to the bone, and then have your blood and tendons splurt onto the floor until you pass out?

8/10

[intuendogroup]

Kanish dont kill urself

[one_beloved_curse]

I dont think i would call this dark... i didnt get a dark feel when i read this.

But otherwise... 6/10.

[Gypsy Campervan]

I din't feel dark, I felt depressed, at not at the idea.