High Speed Thriller

[Electric Riley]

Ok, this is not complex or deep, so I'm not expecting fantastic reviews. It's fast and fun. Simple and seductive... ok, not so seductive.

Crit for crit as always, but remember I'll only crit you the same way you crit mine. If you give me a 2 line comment, that's what I'll give you. If you give me a line-by-line break down, expect the same in return.


High Speed Thriller

Hands sweating
Knuckles white
The needle swings its deadly light

Eyes peeled
Chest tight
Carve your way into the night

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out

Push it to the limits
Rev her hard
Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Destinations, a world apart
Gaining now, the deadly dart
Pierce the walls of the high-speed thriller
Every K over is a killer

Outside view
A graceful curve
Inside the mind you must conserve

What control
You have left
Still, you red line it and flick to shift

Section one
Gear two
Going so fast you almost flew

There’s no time to react
Not a second to spare
Hot burning rubber, scent in the air

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out

Another piece in the high speed thriller
Every K over is a killer

Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Safe this time

[emo=elmow/otheL]

There were some rough parts, but I liked it. It read kinda like a cult chant. Hooray!
The rough parts are probably just me not knowing the rhythm. This made me hyper all of a sudden and I dont know why...Oh well. 9/10

Heres another one of mine. Its long as hell. Please read it anyway.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367899

[Electric Riley]

There were some rough parts, but I liked it. It read kinda like a cult chant. Hooray!
The rough parts are probably just me not knowing the rhythm. This made me hyper all of a sudden and I dont know why...Oh well. 9/10

Heres another one of mine. Its long as hell. Please read it anyway.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367899
Nice. I gave you a big crit. Sort of. If you want to make yours longer, go ahead. Please.

[emo=elmow/otheL]

Oh crap. Yeah I didn't read your crit till after I did yours hear so just let me do some editing...

[Electric Riley]

Thanks man.

Anyone else?

[emo=elmow/otheL]

Ok, this is not complex or deep, so I'm not expecting fantastic reviews. It's fast and fun. Simple and seductive... ok, not so seductive.

Crit for crit as always, but remember I'll only crit you the same way you crit mine. If you give me a 2 line comment, that's what I'll give you. If you give me a line-by-line break down, expect the same in return.


High Speed Thriller

Hands sweating
Knuckles white
The needle swings its deadly light

Already, really good imagery. Builds anticipation.

Eyes peeled
Chest tight
Carve your way into the night
Good, continues to build on the last stanza nice flow...

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out
I had trouble figuring out how to read this part here, but thats probably just me not knowing the rhythm.

Push it to the limits
Rev her hard
Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Destinations, a world apart
Gaining now, the deadly dart
Pierce the walls of the high-speed thriller
Every K over is a killer
This is cool, it seems like the part that makes the song,

Outside view
A graceful curve
Inside the mind you must conserve
It gets a little deeper here I think but still makes perfect since and still maintains good flow.

What control
You have left
Still, you red line it and flick to shift
The rhythm seemed a bit off on the third line of this stanza. Probably just too many sylables. You could take out "still" maybe and "and" right before flick to shift.

Section one
Gear two
Going so fast you almost flew
Great imagery. I like how every line really pertains to the song. No filler at all . Excellent.

There’s no time to react
Not a second to spare
Hot burning rubber, scent in the air
Good...

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out

Another piece in the high speed thriller
Every K over is a killer
Im assuming K means kilometer, yes?

Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Safe this time
The last line seems out of place due to not rhyming yet it fits all the same so it works. Very nice. :thumb:

[Electric Riley]

Bump. C'mon peoples, anyone else?

[intuendogroup]

I like it it's very fast pace and catchy it got stuck in my head but its strange i don't realy know what the first bits abput but then it suddenly changes to being about a car but it sounds good but this line in particular is messy and loose a lot of the fast passed build from before.
What control
You have left
Still, you red line it and flick to shift
but overall its realy good 9/10

Here's mine if you whant yo crit it http http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367945&highlight=%5BB%5DNew (http://)

[ledzeprock]

i love it

[islamicbob5342]

High Speed Thriller

Hands sweating
Knuckles white
The needle swings its deadly light

Eyes peeled
Chest tight
Carve your way into the night

I like these two verses a lot. They come off natural and set up the song well. I like that the song sounds intense, fast, and catchy.

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out

I imagine this part is good for building up to the chorus, although lyrically it's nothing special.

Push it to the limits
Rev her hard
Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Destinations, a world apart
Gaining now, the deadly dart
Pierce the walls of the high-speed thriller
Every K over is a killer

While the first 6 lines are pretty decent, the last two lines are really good. They give the song a great hook- the lines that you'll be waiting for in every chorus and when you hear them you'll get really pumped up. I hope you have a sweet guitar riff kick in right after you say "killer". It's interesting that the rhyme structure doesn't stay consistent throughout the chorus. I can't say whether that's bad or good having not heard the song though.

Outside view
A graceful curve
Inside the mind you must conserve

Good first 2 lines- picks up right where the 1st verses left off. The 3rd line however sounds forced and almost Yoda-like ("Your mind you must conserve")

What control
You have left
Still, you red line it and flick to shift

I don't like this verse. The first 2 lines could probably be written in a better way and the last line once again sounds forced and awkward.

Section one
Gear two
Going so fast you almost flew

This song seems to be turning into a song that's really just about going fast in a car. Maybe that's what it is but at least you could make it seem like it's more- like you did in the beginning. The last line is also one of your worst, sounding way too basic.

There’s no time to react
Not a second to spare
Hot burning rubber, scent in the air

I like this verse more than the last couple, I just wonder about the amount of syllables. Seems like there are too many. It might throw off the flow or it might not. I'd have to hear the song to know for sure.

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out

Another piece in the high speed thriller
Every K over is a killer

Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Safe this time

I have no idea where that last line comes from. It seems kind of random and abrupt. Then again abruptness is kind of a cool way to end a song. I'm not sure how the lyric fits in though.


Overall a good song. Some good lyrics, some not so good. Driving real fast is a fitting theme considering that it's a fast and intense song but the theme is almost to simple and meaningless. Still the well written first verses and the great hook at the end of the chorus make it a song I would probably enjoy listening to. So you get a 7.5/10 :thumb:

Now you have to do mine :p
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=367383

[PunkSkater163]

I thought that this was a preatty good song. The only things I could say is the sentences were ratehr short, but I can see that it just flows with the song so thats not really a problem. I can tell what the point of it is, but it would also help to make it a little more obious. good luck and good job man. Sorry if I didn't say to mcuh but I really don't have to much time.

Please comment mine.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=368053

[a azz37]

sweet. mine if my band uses it?

[a azz37]

sweet. mind if my band uses it?

[mshort813]

sweet. mind if my band uses it?
are you kidding me? are you fu'cking kidding me?

[Electric Riley]

sweet. mind if my band uses it?
I hope you die an agonizing death. Now.

Someone ban this ****er.

[AnAlienOfNothing]

This seemed like a real rocking piece. Very down n' dirty, in your face. A wave of "I don't give a ****" is in the air. It flowsy nicely, and I enjoyed reading it, alot! The subject matter doesn't really appear to my fancy. I'd give it a 6/10. Keep Writing!
:thumb:

[StrangelyBrewed13]

Why a 6/10 you just praised it to your last breath. You shouldnt mark it down when its a perfect song just cause you dont like the subject.

[Electric Riley]

Why a 6/10 you just praised it to your last breath. You shouldnt mark it down when its a perfect song just cause you dont like the subject.
Yeah, I don't mind getter 6/10, just tell me some things that brought the mark down.

[sc0tt0]

Okay first off if you put this song to some mind numming power chords with some vocal hooks in the singing, you'd have a hit. I really like the short little verse's but what your sylables!


Section one
(In) Gear two ........or something
Going so fast you almost flew

besides a few of those i really like it and would give it a 7.5-8 out of 20 lol jk 7.5-8/10

[islamicbob5342]

Don't forget to crit me or evil Chuck might have to come out once again.

[Electric Riley]

Thanks guys. I'll crit you all ASAP.

[Nirvanainbloom190]

Yeah man i like it alot and i think you could probably go somewhere with this

[d0ped0g]

sorry this is long overdue


Hands sweating
Knuckles white
The needle swings its deadly light[

Eyes peeled
Chest tight
Carve your way into the night

from the outset, the tense atmosphere is established in your short concise sentences. loved the last lines on each verse, especially "carve your way into the night"

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out

didnt really like this bit. didnt really get the point of it, although i'm sure there is one.

Push it to the limits
Rev her hard
Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Destinations, a world apart
Gaining now, the deadly dart
Pierce the walls of the high-speed thriller
Every K over is a killer

liked the effect of mirroring "fuel pumped to the motor" and "blood pumped from the heart". The last lines are excellent. Was weird how you changed the rhyming scheme halfway through the stanza (i.e. changes from ABAB, to AABB if u get what i mean).

Outside view
A graceful curve
Inside the mind you must conserve

What control
You have left
Still, you red line it and flick to shift

Section one
Gear two
Going so fast you almost flew

There’s no time to react
Not a second to spare
Hot burning rubber, scent in the air

liked first verse, its less obvious than the rest
dont like second. I cant see how "What control you have left" can lead onto the next line.
Third verse: average... yeah we get it, he's going fast!
Forth verse: was alright. instead of detailing the speed, its detailing tension. Also, the last line seemed to have the effect to remind me of the smell of burnt rubber... which is a good thing as it allows me to identify with the peice more

Flat to the floor
Flat line drag
Flat out

Another piece in the high speed thriller
Every K over is a killer

nothing to say i havnt already said

Fuel pumped to the motor
Blood pumped from the heart
Safe this time

the last line seems forced in there to offer some artificial conclusion. you coulda come up with something better.



6.5/10 on a strict scale