Baptabysmal

[emo=elmow/otheL]

Baptabysmal

verse:
Pittiance will not do
You turned your back when I turned blue
Alternative alterior
I'll tear it down
I'll make you proud
prechorus:
Burnoff
Falloff
Turnoff
Dropoff
chorus:
Bullets in my ears, moon in my blood
Blood in my tears, needles in my lungs
verse:
Baptised with atomic fire
Patronized by these liars
Tommorow is another day the same
Let me borrow the blame
prechorus
chorus
bridge:
Relentless relenter
Defensless defender
Tormented tormenter
Demented dementer
Do this for me do this for me
Do this...Die
altered verse/outro:
Ive become so sallow
Time is a face on the water
And the water is shallow
Look through the depths and see
This hallowed hell is hollow

There you go. Do your worst.

[jmusic4every]

I really love the flow of this song. I don't really know what it means though. What is your interpretation of the song??

[Electric Riley]

verse:
Pittiance will not do
You turned your back when I turned blue
Alternative alterior
I'll tear it down
I'll make you proud

Wow. Fantastic opening. The flow is orgasmic. I love it, though it doesn't have much meaning. That doesn't really matter, not everything needs to. I really like this.

prechorus:
Burnoff
Falloff
Turnoff
Dropoff

No comment, probably sounds good in music.

chorus:
Bullets in my ears, moon in my blood
Blood in my tears, needles in my lungs

Good, but "moon in my blood"? Doesn't make much sense to me, nor does it sound good. The rest is great.

verse:
Baptised with atomic fire
Patronized by these liars
Tommorow is another day the same
Let me borrow the blame

Eh, second line flow is a bit average. Actually the whole flow of this one is skew-whiff. Good content, but you might want to rearrange the lines abit.

prechorus
chorus
bridge:
Relentless relenter
Defensless defender
Tormented tormenter
Demented dementer
Do this for me do this for me
Do this...Die

Dementer sounds like a Harry Potter quote. The rest ok. I guess, not that special.

altered verse/outro:
Ive become so sallow
Time is a face on the water
And the water is shallow
Look through the depths and see
This hallowed hell is hollow

This is awesome. Truly, what a magical way to end a piece. Lovin' the flow, the rhymes. Hell, its all good.


Good stuff, lagged a bit in the middle. I'd love to hear a recording. 8.5/10

Can you please crit this - http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8780263#post8780263

[emo=elmow/otheL]

Hmm...what does it mean...I guess its about getting revenge on somebody whos done something bad to you. To tell the truth I never thought about it much till now. Yes I suppose the Dementer does sound Harry Potterish but oh well.:) As for a recording, well, I have no band. I would just record guitar and vocals, but I have no way to record that either, so sorry. Maybe some other time. Oh the bullets in my ears, moon in my blood thing, I got that from a Stephen King book. Thanks for the crits. (is that a word?)

[jbach]

What does this mean youre words do not make sense throughout

[emo=elmow/otheL]

Well I just explained what it means, and I dunno you just gotta think a little harder on this one I guess.

[islamicbob5342]

I pretty much agree with what Riley said, although I didn't like it as much overall as he did. Great 1st few lines and last line jump out at me. "This hallowed hell is hollow". It's a tongue twister but I like it. Chorus is pretty decent. I'm not a fan of the 2nd verse and bridge though. The bridge, especially, because it is gimicky and annoying. Overall a good song that deserves a C+/B-.

[Sloth]

Minus -- "Moon in my blood" just doesn't make sense to me.. "blood in my tears" this chorus flows well, but I've seen that exact wording countless times..

+

"sallow...shallow...hollow" while you keep up the "ow" ending.. going from that "allow" to the "ollow" doesn't feel right to me.. Maybe I'd have to hear it..


But other than that stuff.... this seems like a pretty jam song. Seems like I'd like this a lot.. nice job :thumb: