Poetry - Writes of Passage

[Electric Riley]

Crit for crit, of course.

And now for something completely different, here's a poem for you to digest. Go for it. Enjoy.

Writes of Passage

Scrawled on the paper is a brief message
Very brief

“I am leaving”

It is written in red ink.
Red ink shows that I didn’t see it coming
This is the way she writes.
With intention.
With no hesitation
With red ink

It’s just another step across the river
Purposely for her
Accidentally for me
But it shows that I can find the silver lining
On this charcoal storm cloud
Filling the horizons
And filling my mind

It’s a message of her rites of passage
It’s written for me
She’s got the right of way
I’ve got to stop telling myself not to go on

Now I’m going on

I write a letter in green ink
Green ink shows that I don’t mean to hurt anyone
Less of a letter, more of a brief message
Very brief.

“I am leaving”

I write my rights.
I step up and define myself

[Muggsy]

very complex and hard to understand. It could sound good if done right. Good imagery throughout the song/poem. Good use of metaphors.
7/10

Why cou;dn't you give me a number mark?

[StrangelyBrewed13]

pretty cool poem. It has nice imagery and the idea seems to flow well. I like the cool medaphors cause they were done in a new way. Good job 7/10

[intuendogroup]

It's nice i like it its got some good lines wich put detailed images in your head but it kind of drags on i think near the end you should'nt do the green ink thing and try to make it sound a bit livlier. I like it 6/10