Favourite Simpsons Quote

[Yppolitia]

Just wondering what your favourite Simpsons quote is?

I have so many but I especially like the episode when Lisa writes for Readers Digest or enters a competition to do with them because Homer started reading it and he says to the women from R.D.
(This isnt exact, im just remembering it from the top of my head)
"I love your word vocabulary subsituter, its very...very....very...very.......good"

[ImTheFloor]

Anything said by Comic Book Guy.

"He hits the same rib but clearly a different note is played."

[Benzum]

Too many to name BUT PLEASE EVERYONE REMEMEBER THIS

The best quotes are from Seasons 2 - 4, Season 5 was ok, then It started to lose its way :upset:

[mmfan486]

Mayor Quimby: "Oh, can't this town go 1 day without a riot?"

[thomas is fast]

Bart "hi"

Heh, that was hilarious.

[Purple Floyd]

"Seeeeeeymour!"

"Yes Mother"

[MILF Hunter]

"I saw this on a movie once, it was about a bus that had to SPEED around the city, keeping its SPEED above 30, and if its SPEED dropped it would blow up. I think it was called..The bus that couldnt slow down"

- Homer

[uncle_musicman]

So many to quote, this one jumped in to my head.

It's one of the episodes where Homer talks to his conscience, he finds $20 under the couch while looking for a peanut.

Homer: Twenty Dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Conscience: Money can buy you many Peanuts
Homer: Explain how?
Homer's Conscience: Money can be exchanged by goods and services
Homer: Whoo Hoo!

[Mister_Che]

Anything said by Comic Book Guy.

"He hits the same rib but clearly a different note is played."

He didn't say that.

[uncle_musicman]

Bart & Lisa at Lollapoluza (spl?), In the crowd.
Lisa: What's that smell?
Bart: It smells like Otto's jacket

[mmfan486]

"I saw this on a movie once, it was about a bus that had to SPEED around the city, keeping its SPEED above 30, and if its SPEED dropped it would blow up. I think it was called..The bus that couldnt slow down"

- Homer
Mate, I've never seen that one but I nearly pissed myself laughing at the quote just now!

Bart: "Chief Wiggum, you got room in Jail for one more washed up loser?" (Sideshw Bob)
Chief Wiggum: "Well no, frankly, but that's never stopped us before."

[thedeadwalk!]

Marge: He's a very talented painter.

Prison Wardon: Talented?! He painted a unicorn in space! Now, I ask you: what is it breathing?!

Homer: Air?

Prison Wardon: There's no air in space!

Homer: There's an Air and Space Museum.

[Cybergasm]

Willie: "This will never last; brothers and sisters are common enemies. Like the Irish and the Scots, or the French and the Scots, or Scots and other Scots."

Skinner:"You Scots sure are angry people."

Willie: "You've just made an enemy for life."

[Rob Bob]

Willie : Have you got an grease?
Lunch Lady Doris: Yes, Yes I Do
Willie: Then grease me up woman
Lunch Lady Doris :.......Okey Dokey

[Untitled]

Home - "operator, give me the number for 911"

Or

Burns - "im goning to catch, the worlds rarest thing"
Homer- "A sober irish men?"
Burns- "No even Rarer. Im going to catch the lockness monster."
Homer- "wow, that would realy impress me, and im not easily impressed"
Homer points of out car window,
Homer - "WOW A BLUE CAR"

Many more, that one shall think off in time.

[Jonny]

Mr. Burns (about his Plane): I only flew it once at an altitude of six feet for a distance of four feet, then we discovered that rain makes it catch fire, then the Fuhrer fired me.

Homer: Do you think those guys on Friends need another friend?
Lisa: That show's gone off the air.
Homer: Dammit, I woulda been perfect as Rachel's irish cousin. So youuu're doin' each other are ya, but who's gonna put out for old Shamus.

[Ducky_72]

Homer: Well there's somethings money CAN'T buy!

Marge: Like what?




















Homer: ...A dinosaur.

[E sharp]

comic book guy: "I'd like to upgrade my 28.8kb internet connection to a 1.5mb fiber optic T1 Line"

homer: "Can i have my money now?"

i missed a line that comic book guy says. but you get the jist.

[Solar]

At a spelling bee:

Skinner: Milhouse, your word is 'choke'.

Milhouse Choke? Ha, that's easy- 'F-'.

~~~~~

Homer: You can dance, you can dance, everybody look at your pants.

~~~~

While flying a plane:

Mr Burns: Take her down Smithers!

Smithers: You're flying the plane, sir.

Mr Burns: Excellent

~~~~

In imitation of Mr Burns

Homer: Exactly

~~~~

Disco Stu: Disco Stu, likes disco music.

~~~~

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

~~~~

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?

Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.

Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.

Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?

Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.

Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.

Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.

Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.

Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.

Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.

Homer: Bart, go to your room.

~~~~

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

~~~~

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

~~~~

Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.

Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.

Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.

Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

~~~~

Troy McClure: HI. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!

~~~~

Bart: It's valuable, huh?!

Comic Book Guy: Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city

~~~~

Homer is surrounded by crows at Moe's Bar

Moe: Alright, get 'em outta here. This ain't no crow-bar. THIS is a crow-bar.

Moe reaches under the counter and pulls out a portrait of crows sitting at a bar

Moe: See? They got their little stools and everything

~~~~

Lisa: Milhouse, she got you too!

Milhouse: Yeah but its ok im standing on Ralph...

Ralph: We're a totum pole HIHOWAREYA HIHOWAREYA

~~~~

Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!

Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?

Mr.Burns: Precisely.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I could go on forever :D

[Ganondorf]

Homer: Saxamaphone! Saxamaphone!

[Dylan S]

Way too many to choose from :lol:

I like the "homer, we are going to have to saw off both of your arms"

Homer: ahh, they'll grow back right?

Guy: ahh sure :lol:

[Untitled]

Kent Brokmen - Are you calling Mr Simpson a lier?
Random Guy - Well, we do have this footage with his pants on fire.
Shows homer runing around with trousers on fire.

[Dylan S]

:lol:

The simpsons is the best show ever.

(besides father ted)

[Untitled]

:lol:

The simpsons is the best show ever.

(besides father ted)
Father Ted has some great one liners.

[Dylan S]

Yea I have the whole serious on DVD. Everything about it is hilarious from Dougall's facials to father Jack's curses.

:lol:

[supra_speed]

Homer: "Exactly.... Heh heh heh.. DO'H!"


-----------------------------------------------------
BTW, someone do Mr. Burns and the Sprouse Moose, thats a classic, can remember 1/2 of it only though...

[SMOK3]

So many to quote, this one jumped in to my head.

It's one of the episodes where Homer talks to his conscience, he finds $20 under the couch while looking for a peanut.

Homer: Twenty Dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Conscience: Money can buy you many Peanuts
Homer: Explain how?
Homer's Conscience: Money can be exchanged by goods and services
Homer: Whoo Hoo!

That's one of my favorites also lol

[SMOK3]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a **** star.

[red barchetta]

[Homer in Mr. Burns' office]

Mr. Burns: who in the devil are you?

Homer's brain: quick! think of something clever!

Homer: I'm Mr. Burns.


anything with homer's brain is funny.

[Ralph getting carried away by tide after getting stung by a jellyfish]

Ralph: I'm going to Africa, to see lions and giraffes and tigers and santa and...

[Jonny]

Homer (in a funny voice): Hello, my name is Mr Burns. I believe you have a letter for me...
Guy: Ok Mr Burns- What's your first name??
Homer: ...Err... I don't know.

[Yppolitia]

Homer: "Exactly.... Heh heh heh.. DO'H!"


-----------------------------------------------------
BTW, someone do Mr. Burns and the Sprouse Moose, thats a classic, can remember 1/2 of it only though...
Ohh yeh, he tells Smithers how it will take people from New York to Berlin in however many seconds and Smithers goes "Thats a nice model sir" and Burns goes "Model?" and later he says how they neeed ot get away somewhere and Burns suggests taking the Sprouse Moose and he tells Smithers to "Hop In" and SMithers looks at the model and says "Errr" and Burns draws a gun and tells him to "GET IN!!"

[Jonny]

There's a brilliant conversation with Homer, Apu and Ned when they're in the car going to get drugs from Canada. I wish I could remember the whole thing but it starts with Apu and Ned in the back of the car and Apu goes ''Mr Homer, Flanders keeps trying to convert me...''

[Congratulations]

Bart: This sucks!
Marge: Bart, don't say sucks.
Homer: They were the suckiest sucks who ever sucked

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bart: With the city growing so fast is there always going to be enough electricity?
Homer: Son, you know that's none of your buisness.

[TheCrimsonKing]

I still love that "Super Nintendo Chalmers" one

[Yppolitia]

Havent seen that one

[I am a revenant]

Comic book store guy: "I will return to my comic book store, where I will dispense the insults, rather than absorb them".

[marshall_k_]

Doh!!!!! best one ever

[unComfortablyNumb]

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
You forgot the line afterwards where Marge says:
"That's because you were drunk!"

Other favorites are...

Bart:"Uh Mom, it's kind of hard for us to leave with you standing in the way."
Homer:"Push her down, son."

From the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror...
Bart:"Dad, you shot the zombie Flanders!"
Homer:"Flanders was a zombie?"

[mmfan486]

Homer: "Africa?! They're bound to have food there!"

[Jonny]

Mr Burns says some really funny stuff like when he uses old fashioned or mixed up terms.

''What are you doing! I might get stung by a bumbled bee''

[Stone flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
''Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.''

Mr.Burns: (To Homer)One more thing...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon!
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr.Burns: And the road maps, and the driving gloves?!
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Mr.Burns:Then its all falling into place!

''Smithers there's a rocket in my pocket!''

Burns: I feel like such a free spirit, and I'm really enjoying this so-called...iced cream.

And that scene where Homer leaves work and on the way out tells Burnsie to cover for him, so Burnsie sits down, puts his feet up and eats doughnuts.

[mmfan486]

Homer: "Well I hope Bob fed you 'cause I ate your dinners."

[Iskandar]

BTW, someone do Mr. Burns and the Sprouse Moose, thats a classic, can remember 1/2 of it only though...

Mr. Burns: This is the Spruce Moose! It can take us to the Belgian Congo in approximately 17 minutes!"

Smithers: That's a very nice model, sir.

Mr. Burns: Model ... ? Now hop in.

Smithers: But sir, that's just a model, I can't possibly -

Mr. Burns: (cocks revolver) I said, "hop in."

:lol:

[Dylan S]

"Ketchup, ketsup, ketchup, ketsup. Ooo, I'm in way over my head :("

:lol:

[Bam-CKY-H.I.M.]

(While skating on book cart)

Homer: "Must kill Moe....WEEEEE!!! Must kill Moe....WEEEEE!!!"

(While reading a note from Ned Flanders)

Homer: "Wel-diddly-elcome Simpsons. Oh great, he actually wrote diddly"
Marge: "That was thoughtful"

Those are just a few. I could write these all night.

[Smokey D]

Marge- "No, Homer, you'll kill us all!"
Homer- "Or die trying!"

Kent Brockman- "Ladies and gentlemen, er, we've just lost the picture, but, uh, what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over — "conquered", if you will — by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves. "

Edna Crabapple- "I never heard the word embiggens before I moved to Springfield:
Miss Hoover- "I don't see why not; it's a perfectly cromulent word.

[RCA]

Homer - *filling up RV with gas*

Homer - *notices the gas price on the pump go from $999.99 to $000.00* (not enough digits to show $1000.00

Homer - WHOO!! FREE GAS!!!

:lol:

[Doctor Fantastic]

Grisly old blues man: I've been playing for 30 years and I never got anywhere, I want you to have my saxophone.
Bleeding Gums: This isn't a saxophone,it's an umbrella.
Grisly old blues man: What!?! I've been playing a saxophone for 30 years? Why didn't anyone tell me?
Bleeding Gums: (Chuckling) We all though it was funny.
Grisly old blues man: That's not funny.

[Solar]

Burns: This reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work.

[TheCrimsonKing]

Grisly old blues man: I've been playing for 30 years and I never got anywhere, I want you to have my saxophone.
Bleeding Gums: This isn't a saxophone,it's an umbrella.
Grisly old blues man: What!?! I've been playing a umbrella for 30 years? Why didn't anyone tell me?
Bleeding Gums: (Chuckling) We all though it was funny.
Grisly old blues man: That's not funny.


fix'd you made a small mistake that ruins the joke :thumb:

[otacon3]

Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say that this gig sucks.
_Ramones do happy birthday for Burns_
Johnny Ramone:Go to hell you old b*****d
Burns: Smithers i want the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir those are the...
Burns: Do as i say!!

[PumaPride77]

Homer: Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whip Guy: (Whips Homer) No listenin', you hear me?
Homer:...umm.....no?
Whip guy: You just don't learn do ya...


Not my favorites, but those are good ones.

[talentless]

-Ice cream guy gets sprinkles thrown in his face by Marge-
"I can only see a horrible rainbow!"
------------------
If I recall it went something like this:
Tom Kite: "Now for a shot like this Homer, you'll want to use an open faced club. Like a sand wedge."

Homer: "Mmmm...open-faced club sandwich."

-------------
-at AA meeting-
Otto: "My name is Otto...I LOVE to get BLOTTO!"
-----------------------------------------
Marge: Maybe you two should get a nanny.
Apu: Yes, and what would I pay her with? Banana bread? Sorry, sorry, it's just that we haven't slept in days, and we're running out of money and ... banana bread? What the hell were you thinking? Banana bread. Apologize, apologize again. As a token of forgiveness, please take this baby.
Homer: No, Marge, no!
---------------------
-Smithers starts computer, shows Mr. Burns-
Mr. Burns (speaking through assorted recordings): "Hello...Smithers..You're...quite good...at...turning..me...on!"
-----------------------------------------------
Burns: "Smithers, take off my belt!"
Smithers: "With pleasure sir!"

[Jonny]

Otto: You know how some people are chocoholics? Well I'm an alcoholic!

[clearvision]

Comicbook guy talking about wonderwoman...

'the restraining order said no no, but her eyes said yes yes.'

[Jonny]

Burns: If you'll excuse me, my friend and I need to... expel some urine.

Burns: I enjoy many youthful activities such as... piloting motorcoaches and... collecting dog waste.

[Mazeppa]

Whip Guy: (Whips Homer) No listenin', you hear me?
Homer:...umm.....no?
Whip guy: You just don't learn do ya...

:lol: that's a personal favourite of mine

Another good one:

Homer: I'm not gonna lie to you Marge...
*Homer walks out*

[red barchetta]

mr burns: what is it with people and their dogs!?

smithers: people do like dogs sir.

mr. burns: well will you like it if I starting slobbering all over your crotch smithers?

smithers: umm, if you did it sir?

[Jonny]

Mr Burns: We'll need someone to watch my house while I'm gone. Whos that guy who always screws up everything?

Smithers: Homer Simpson, Sir?

Mr Burns: Yes, Simpson. The way I see it, he's due for a good performance.

[Yppolitia]

Homer: Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whip Guy: (Whips Homer) No listenin', you hear me?
Homer:...umm.....no?
Whip guy: You just don't learn do ya...


Not my favorites, but those are good ones.

Thats a good one.

[Mambuto_O'Mally]

Marge: Maybe you should go talk to the producers of the show.
Homer: That's a good idea
Homer gets off a rocking chair
Homer: And when I'm gone, keep an eye on that weird kid down there.
Marge: Who bart?
Homer: Yeah, "Bart."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Homer:This man is my exact double... that dog has a puffy tail. (chases dog)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bart: Millhouse, you were supposed to watch the factory.
Millhouse: I did. I watched fall down.
Bart: I wonder where the rats will go?
The rats run across the street and into Moe's
Moe: Everybody, tuck you pants into your socks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Homer: The winner will be showerd with gifts and praise. The loser will be yelled at, until I can't possibly yell any more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Skinner: Children, Valentine's day is no joke.
(Flashback to the Vietnam war)
Skinner: Writting a Valentine to your girl?
Johnny: Yeah.
Johnny gets shot with some sort of automatic riffle
Skinner:Johnny...Johnny...
(Back to present)
Skinner:...JOHNNY!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doctor: And Mr. Simpson, Please. If you're going to rest a can of beer on your body, place it on your head, or your genitals

[BrianLim]

doh!

[Jharaski]

Bart - Uh, yes I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass, first name Hugh.
Moe - Hold on, I'll check (to crowd) Hugh Jass. Hey, I wanna Hugh Jass. Oh, someone check the men's room for a Hugh Jass.
Hugh - Uh, I'm Hugh Jass
Hugh(to Bart) - Hello, this is Hugh Jass
Bart - Uh, hi
Hugh - Who's this?
Bart - Bart Simpson
Hugh - What can I do for you, Bart?
Bart - Uh, look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh - All right. better luck next time

[sekipS]

Homer: "it takes 2 to lie 1 to lie and 1 to listen"

[Werny]

Smithers: "I'm sorry I shot you in the leg!!!"
Old dude: "Who shot who in the what now?"

Smithers dressed as Bart: "I'll be in the car dudes"

(this one isn't exact but you get the drift)
Lawyer fellow: "We found your son"
Hans Moleman: "Mum! Dad!"
Homer: "Son!" *hugs Hans*
Marge: "Homer, that's not Bart, that's Hans Moleman"
Homer: "Can we keep him anyway?"

Same episode
Hans walks in to loungeroom with Bart's clothes and skateboard: "Kowabunga duuuudes"

Bart: "Everybody! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!"
Otto: "Don't worry Bart-dude, I've got him"
*rams Hans off the road*
Hans: "oooh, I just paid this off"
*car comes to a screeching halt in front of a tree, only to then combust*

Old dude: "You sunk my battleship"

[Mambuto_O'Mally]

Moe: I was a lot happier knowing that the Dane Edna wasn't a dude. WAY Happier.

[Scoot]

"You think it's him?" Homer when Krusty laughs right outisde the door.

[Iron Bug]

From the episode where the kids are stuck in school for Christmas.

Homer and Ned are driving along in Neds car.
*Bump*

Ned: I think we hit something.
Homer: I hope it was Flanders HAHAhahaha.....you're a good guy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Homer: LE GRILL?!?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

[PumaPride77]

Homer: I'm not gonna lie to you Marge...
*Homer walks out*

:lol: That's probably the best episode:

Banner: Listen, rummy, I'm gonna say it plain and simple. Where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?
Barney: (confused) Yes...?


Banner: Pet shop, eh? Well, I have one thing to say about that: What kind of pet shop is filled with rambunctious yahoos and hot jazz music at 1:00 in the morning?
Moe: Er, uh... the... best damn pet shop in town!
People: Yeah!



Banner: You're out there Beer Baron. And I'm gonna find you.
Homer [in the distance]: No you won't.
Banner: Yes, I will.
Homer [in the distance]: Won't!



Homer: "Kaboom...blam...excuse me"



Rex Banner: Are you the Beer Baron?
Ned: Well, if you're talking about root beer, I plead guilt-diddily-ildly as char-didily-arged!
Rex Banner: He's not the Baron, but he sounds drunk. Take him in.

[Jonny]

Amazing how some people can horribly misquote something and make it so incredbly unfunny.

[Dog]

Snake: I'll win you back if I have to pistol whip this guy all night
Homer: Pistol whip?!
*Homer imagines eating whip cream labelled "Pistol Whip" using a pistol as a spoon*
Homer: Mmmm... Pistol Whip


Not my favorite one, but I think it's the best of the "Mmmm..." quotes.

[Yppolitia]

I like the one when Homer forgets to pick up bart from Soccer practice and hes watching TV and getting all this subliminal messages like from the TV with a baseball game and they are cheering a player called Bart continously, then Santas Little Helper barks "Bart" and Maggies burps it and Homer says "I cant think with all this noise".
He then goes and has a shower and thinks in his heard and says "pick up Bart" but he hears it as "Pick a bar" and then realises and runs out naked to the car and Lisa says something likes "Dad, hide your shame" and Flanders goes "Hey Homey, I can see your doodle" and Homers goes "Shut Up Flanders"

[Father_Jack]

Homer: LE GRILL?!?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

:lol: That is pure comedy genious

In the same one i couldn't stop laughing when homers looking at the bbq on the box but you dont know its on the box

Homer: "Man that is one fine looking barbarque pit." *Takes box away to show homers failed attempt* "WHY DOESNT MINE LOOK LIKE THAT!?!" :lol:


Anything said by Frink is classic:

"Ha ha wha. Oh, sorry I'm late. There was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying when the monkeys stole the glasses off my head. Wh-ha ha."

"Oh my great good God! Gentlemen, your attention please. I am detecting a gigiantic amphibious life-form, it's 80 meters long and it's heading this way. Oh good glayven it's on my shoe. It's a small frog, just get off, just get off there, just get out of it, get out of it. Stupid machine, oh wait a minute, this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog-Exaggerator Mm-hai."

Last one

Lucy Lawless: ... but I'm sure that once girls get to know the real you, you'll get plenty of dates. Next question.
[hands go up. She picks Frink]
Frink: Yes, over here, n'hey, n'hey. In episode BF12, you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa, yet in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian. Please do explain it.
Lucy Lawless: Ah, yeah, well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
Frink: I see, all right, yes, but in episode AG4 --
Lucy Lawless: Wizard.
Frink: [under breath] Aw, for glaven out loud.

[Yppolitia]

I like the one when Bart works at the burlesque house and Homers watching tv and it goes:
TV: It 11:00PM, do you know where your kid is?
Homer: I told you last night, NO!
Homer: Where is Bart anyway, his dinners getting all cold and eaten (starts eating Barts food)

[AA-12]

So many to quote, this one jumped in to my head.

It's one of the episodes where Homer talks to his conscience, he finds $20 under the couch while looking for a peanut.

Homer: Twenty Dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Conscience: Money can buy you many Peanuts
Homer: Explain how?
Homer's Conscience: Money can be exchanged by goods and services
Homer: Whoo Hoo!
That's mine.

[Joe Average]

Ahaha this thread made me laugh all the way through.

The quote that just popped into my head:
Lenny: "Hi, I'm lenny, and this is carl. I'm lenny"

[Stone flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
''Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.''

This is the funniest burns quote ever.

[Luridan]

won't you bee my friend
or
i'm not going to lie to you marge (runs away)

[unComfortablyNumb]

Rainier Wolfcastle as Radioactive Man: "My EYES!!! The goggles do nothing!!"

Herman: "Now, this baby is called 'The Withstandinator.' It can take a six
megaton blast. No more, no less."

[Ibanex0110]

me and my psychology teacher always used to joke about the simpsons, nearly every day towards the end of the year. My final project was about the simpsons

[AnoTHErWOODENSLUG]

Fat Tony: You have 24 hours to give us the money. And to prove we're serious, you have 12 hours.

Probably not the best but it's sort of a personal joke between me and my room mate.

[Ducky_72]

Flanders: Hi, I'm Ned Flanders, but my friends call me Ned!

Homer: Hey Flanders.

[Emperor Chadwick von Cool]

Comic Book Guy as the Collector: "Lucite hardening... must end life in classic Lorn Green pose from Battlestar Galactica... best... death... EVER!"

Announcement: "Welcome to the electric car of the future, brought to you by the gas producers of America.
Electric car: "Hello. I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast, or very far. And if people see you driving me, they'll think you're gay."
Gay robots: "One of us! One of us!"

Ned, as a kid at the Calmwood Mental Institute: "Look at me, I'm Dick Tracy! Take that, Prune Face! Now I'm Prune Face, take that Dick Tracy! Now I'm Prune Tracy!"

Apu, when he got his citizenship: "Today, I am truly an American citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding! I work, I work."

Lugash: "How old are you little girl?"
Lisa: "Eight."
Lugash: "EIGHT?!" Too old! Get out, grandma!! I am sorry, Lugash must go next door to anger management class. LOUSY ANGER MANAGEMENT! I HATE IT SO MUCH!"

Duffman, watering his lawn: "That brown patch could use a little H2O, OHHH yeah!"
Moe: "Hey Duffman, let's see how you like a sticker on your face!"
Duffman: "Duffman, can't breathe! Oh no! OHHH!"

I had a lot more good ones on another "Favorite Simpsons' Quote" thread, but I can't remember any...

[Killtacular]

[Homer at some... food.. stand. Pronounced Klau-ka-lash, no idea how to spell it]

Homer: Whaddya got to drink?
Guy: Mountain Dew and Crabjuice.
Homer: Ewwwww... I'll take a crab juice.

[unComfortablyNumb]

*Homer is riding in a car with Ned, and they pass by Lenny and Carl*
Homer:"This is Ned Flanders and he's my friend."
Lenny:"What did he say?"
Carl:"I don't know...something about being gay."

[King]

Ralph: !! Skimskible Prinner, uh..um Prinskible Skimsker uh..I have found something!!

[Pazz]

Ralph has to be the best Simpson character. I have a couple quotes by him.

When they get reports sent home saying what classes they failed.
Ralph gets report card"Me fail english, thats unpossible."

Ralph is talking to Lisa when he was a crush on her for her giving him a valentine.
"My dad says I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of my nose."

There's also one about a sandbox but I forget what he says exactly.

[Emperor Chadwick von Cool]

There's also one about a sandbox but I forget what he says exactly.

"That's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end."

[Congratulations]

Comic book guy: "Hey Nostrasuckus, where you right about the rapture. Oh wait. I was there and you weren't, and you suck."

[TylerC]

"Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?"

"No, mother."

"You sissy."

[thursdaythrice]

"Pigs tend to chew, he's more like a duck." - Lenny

[Alk3]

Homer:
"But I don't even beleive in Jebus"

Followed by:
"Save me Jebus, save me!!"

[Der Meister]

Hello....that sounds like a pig fainting

You'll have to speak up I'm wearing a towel

[Mambuto_O'Mally]

Ralph has to be the best Simpson character. I have a couple quotes by him.

When they get reports sent home saying what classes they failed.
Ralph gets report card"Me fail english, thats unpossible."

Ralph is talking to Lisa when he was a crush on her for her giving him a valentine.
"My dad says I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of my nose."

There's also one about a sandbox but I forget what he says exactly.

I've got another.
"That's the rock where my leprechan (sorry I can't spell that) sits. He tells me to burn things."

Here's another one from one of my favorite episodes:
Dr. Steve: Simpson! You're not a liscened Chiropractor. You're stealing patients from me and Dr. Stephanie. We're going to have to shut you down.
Homer: Wow, think of the irony. The AMA has tried to run you out of town for years. (shakes his head) Think about the irony.
Dr. Steve grabs Homer and holds him against the wall.
Dr. Steve: You've been warned. Stop chiropracting now.
Homer: (Struggling to speak) Not until...you think...about the irony.

[cloud^]

Homer (drunk):
Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins and eskimos.

[Mambuto_O'Mally]

Homer: (singing) Yvan eht nioj, yvan eht nioj.
Lisa: What does it mean.
Homer: It doesn't have to mean anything, like rama-lama-ding-dong, or give peace a chance.

Ralph: Priniple Skinner and Mrs. Crabaple were making babies in the janitors closet, and one of the babies looked at me.

Homer: Bart's teacher's name is Crabaple. I thought is was Crandle. Why didn't somebody tell me I was embarassing myself.

[FU.CKY.OU]

my favs gotta be when homer got tricked into going to africa or wherever it was as a missionary and he started licking toads:

Marge: "homer, have you been licking toads?"
Homer: "er...im not..NOT lickign toads.."

[ledzeprock]

:lol:

The simpsons is the best show ever.

(besides father ted)

^this guys a legend. hes reading my mind. altough if your american or non european its sometimes hard to understand what theyre sayin. lucky for me im english!

[ledzeprock]

character that is best for one liners is probably after homer.....Chief Wiggum.

he realises hes just been robbed and then he says
"ive been robbed!! quick somebody call the cops!!!!"

[Illmatic]

Lisa: "Wow, thanks President Clinton!"
Bill Clinton: "No, thank you Lisa, for teaching the children of America a valuable lesson: if things don't go your way, just keep on complaining until your dreams come true"
Marge: "That's a pretty lousy moral"
Bill Clinton: "Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president"

Lisa: "If you really loved Jebediah Springfield, you'd dig up his body to prove me wrong!"
(people on Town Council all agree to the idea)
Mayor Quimby: "Can't we have one Town Council meeting that doesn't end in us digging up a body?"

[unComfortablyNumb]

(Lisa has just Homer that she has become a vegetarian.)
Homer:"So you're not gonna eat bacon?"
Lisa:"No."
Homer:"What about ham...or porkchops?"
Lisa:"Dad! Those all come from the same animal."
Homer:"Oh yes Lisa. They all come from some magical animal."

(Homer has just told Moe that he thinks Bart may be gay.)
Moe:"Geeze Homer, first Lisa is a vegetarian and now Bart is gay. You and Marge aren't cousins are you?"

[Violent_Bill]

Homer: There's only three ways to do something: The right way, the wrong way and the Max Powers way!
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yes, but faster!

Marge: Homer, there's someone here who can help you!
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, it's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's not Batman!

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Marge: Homer, of all the crazy things you've ever done this one would rank somewhere in the midddle.

Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: Doh!

Are a couple of favourites that haven't been said although my all time favourite would have to be the dinosaur one.

[Tillius]

Okay...I don't know why I've always liked this one....but here it is.

Bart:Man, this sucks.
Marge:Bart, where did you learn that type of language?
(Homer enters)
Homer: Man...this sucks. This is the suckiest suck that ever did suck.

[Sgt_Baker]

QUIT STALLING! WHATS THE PLAN?!

episode when the meteor bart finds is gonna destroy springfield

[Voodoo Rabbit]

Homer: Saxamaphone! Saxamaphone!

.... :) ....

I like the one with, I think it's the Springfield Cat Burgular, who steals lisa's saxaphone....To which, homer gives her a jug, and does a little dance!....

[Faith No Doubt]

Drunken Homer to Moe in Trilogy Of Error:

"The Blue Man Group?!?! Total rip-off of the Smurfs! And the Smurfs? They suck!"

[crag]

homer: hello im mr burns, i beleive you have a package for me
post guy: ok mr burns, whats your first name
homer: i dont know

not the best but thats all i can remember :D

[Yppolitia]

When homer joins the Navy or whatever, some army thing and that general guy is making a speech and goes:
Im a man of few words...............................Thank you.

[Luxor]

Financial Advisor: Now, for my payment.

Homer: Ugg *writes notes*

Financial Advisor: Mr. Simpson I know you're not a deaf mute, we've been talking for 20 minutes.

Homer: ... *throws business cards in her face* RUN MARGE!

[Luxor]

Okay...I don't know why I've always liked this one....but here it is.

Bart:Man, this sucks.
Marge:Bart, where did you learn that type of language?
(Homer enters)
Homer: Man...this sucks. This is the suckiest suck that ever did suck.

Ah crap, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening.

[Yppolitia]

Simpsons go out for a dinner because Bart got a good grade and homer gives the restuarant his credit card and it says "Deadbeat, deadbeat"

[WinOrDieTrying12]

Marge: Where are you Homie?

Homer: I dont know. Somewhere I've never been before.

Selma: Ahhhh, the shower. :lol:

[mmfan486]

Homer: "SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! MY CAR!"

He was on top form all the way through that episode.

[uncle_musicman]

Cheif Wiggum is sitting at his desk in the policestation watching something on TV when the phone rings

"No, you got the wrong number, this is 912"

[uncle_musicman]

Another one

Homer: Quick Marge! Whats the number for 911?

[Xanadu]

Ralf

[/I]shes toutching my private area

marge touches his shoulder

[Jonny]

I love the bit when Bart is imagining what he'd do with 1000 dollars or something so he imagines a house in space and there's people singing something like ''It's Bart's moon party from outta space, with R2D2 playing the bass'' then he stops daydreaming and Homer walks into the room singing ''It's Bart's moon party from... What??''

[thedeadwalk!]

Lisa: Dad, you can't drive, he took your license.

Homer: We'll see about that. <puts key in the ignition and starts the car> It's a miracle!

[hallowed_ironmaiden]

So many to quote, this one jumped in to my head.

It's one of the episodes where Homer talks to his conscience, he finds $20 under the couch while looking for a peanut.

Homer: Twenty Dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Conscience: Money can buy you many Peanuts
Homer: Explain how?
Homer's Conscience: Money can be exchanged by goods and services
Homer: Whoo Hoo!

that was hilarious :lol:

[Iskandar]

Homer: "Hey, you said there was something wrong with your leg!"
Mark Hamill: "Well, you see ... the thing about that is ... (yelps and runs away)"

:cool:

[otacon3]

Apu:I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convienience store, you know

[drugstore cowboy]

"A bloody end for Homer Simpson...is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here is how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs." -- Kent Brockman

Burns: You know Smithers, I think I'll donate one million dollars to the orphanage...when pigs fly!
(They both laugh. Pig sails by. Laughter trails off)
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
Burns: No, I'd still prefer not.

Marge: Lisa, is that (chili, foodstuff, I can't remember) a little too hot for you?
Lisa: I can see through time!

[Mambuto_O'Mally]

The best thing is when Homer gets the gun and walks into the Kwik-e-mart and thinks about robbing it. He imagines marge dancing around him, and he's got a suit with a top hat, a monacle, a cigar, and he's got bags of money all around him. Then when it comes back to real life he says: "I'll do it! I'll rob the Kwik-e-mart!" Then he realises he's in his car and driving home. :thumb: :lol:

[Luxor]

"Who cares about the badge!? When do we get the freakin' gun!"
"I told you... I cant' give you your gun until you tell me your name."
"I've had it up to here with your, RULES!"

[Hard_Rocker_Revived]

Man #1: Your jacket! She burns!
Man #2: Then I burn with her, for I would rather die, than have people not know what stores I have been to.

[mmfan486]

Homer's trying not to swear, and steps on a nail...

Homer: "Well fiddle-de-dee, that will require a tetanus injection..."

[AIC/EAZY-E]

Homer : Moe, I need your advice.
Moe : Yeah?
Homer : See, I got this friend named...Joey..Joe Joe..Juniour...Shabadoo?
Moe : That's the worst name I've ever heard.
(man runs out the door crying)
Barney : Hey! Joey Joe Joe!

[10571z]

i love .....

look at bart leader of the wienir patrol with all his wiener little friends

or sumtin like that when he is a junior camper

[albinoblacksheep]

Homer: There´s your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph: I´m a boy.
Homer: Thats the spirit. Never give up.


hahaha, oh god Ralph. Hes awesome. That episode where bart sleeps over at his house, and Chief is like "Ralph is afraid of the dark", hahaha and he keeps the door open, rendering them in like a huge beam of light, haha.

Ralph owns

[flam_flam]

the bit from where homer gets brain damage

all: hahaha
marge: well homer, at least you lost only 20% of your brain
homer:hahahahaha, i lose brain, why i laugh?

not very accurate, but its something like that

[BringHomeTheBacon]

Well you had to see the episode to appreciate this quote. Bart and Millhouse went to see a Spinal Tap concert. After the 1st song something went crazy (o I forgot) and the concert ended there. It shows Spinal Tap in their tour bus the day after.

One member of Spinal Tap:"Great show last night, huh?"
Other members: "Oh yes, yea great show, yea quite nice, etc."

I hope that wasn't already posted.

[blackout]

"If they're not having a go with the missus, they're having a row with the wanker" - Homer.

:lol: Theres just something about hearing american's say wanker, especially Homer.

[crag]

marge- 'watch out for the shaq attack'

/hits bart with ball/

marge- 'i told you to watch out'

[Engel]

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

[BringHomeTheBacon]

Here's another one. I think it's from the episode where Bart and Lisa are in the same class.

Groundskeeper Willie-"Brother and sister are natural enemies. Just like Scots and Ireland. Or Scots and the English. Or Scots and the Whalish. Or Scots and other Scots. Dam Scots, you ruined Scotland!"
Skinner-says something similar to, "Well, Scots sure seem to have a reputation with making enemies."
Willie- "You just made yourself an enemy!"
Edit-Oops. This already got posted. Sorry Cybergasm.

[crag]

army dude- 'franklin is no longer the girliest cadet'
franklin- 'well, we'll see about that'

[Rob Bob]

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr.Burns, I believe you have a letter for me...
Mail Clerk: OK Mr Bruns what's your first name?
Homer:.....I Don't Know

[red barchetta]

some indian shopkeeper: sir, freworks are strictly prohibited in this part of the ...(sees customer leaving store)... follow me.

[BringHomeTheBacon]

some indian shopkeeper
Do you mean Apu?

[red barchetta]

Do you mean Apu?
no, some other shopkeeper in another place, when the simpsons go on a vacation

[Cyco_Vision]

Do you mean Apu?
No, it's the episode when The Simpsons borrow Ned's beach house for the 4th of July. The shop-keeper is just like Apu. (Simpsons nerd)

[FunkyMunky]

D'oh

[Cyco_Vision]

Homer: It's better to watch stuff than to do stuff.

[Cyco_Vision]

Flanders: LOOK! IT'S LITTLE LISA SIMPSONS! THE ANSWER TO SPRINGFIELD'S QUESTIONS NOBODY ASKED!

[Yppolitia]

Homer: Once, I held my breath till I banged my head on the coffee table, the doctor said I might have brain damage.
Bart: Whats the point in this story?
Homer: I like stories.

[Jonny]

When he has the crayon removed from his brain:
''Anyone want to come with me to the Library tomorrow? Notice I no longer say Liberry, or tomorry.''

[Brew]

Homer when he's back at college:

/phone rings, Dean picks up
Dean: Hello?
Homer: Hellooo Dean, you're a st00pid head
Dean: Homer...is that you?
Homer: Ah! *hangs up*

[Cyco_Vision]

Homer: Hey there, Blimpy boy!

[mmfan486]

Selma: "Remember when we were kids, and we used to talk about who our dream husbands would be? Isn't it good that one of us got that wish?" (Or something like that.)
Homer: "Oh, I know, it was Selma, right?"

[Imperial Necro]

I'm sorry, I only read the first 2 pages, but the last episode I watched, at this particular part, had me laughing:

*possibility of Mayor Quimby getting electrocuted on the chair*

Ralph: "He's going to smell like hot dogs."

I love the way Ralph's eyes have a total cluelessness about them, it's excellent. :lol:

Also:

Comic Book Guy, attempting to be sweet to his new wife: "Klik karockh karchka klakch korkkha kik kaaachk a backh karkh - Klingon for 'I would slaughter the children of a thousand planets, just to see you smile'". :)

:lol:

[Jonny]

Comic Book Guy: Is there a word in Klingon for loneliness? [opens a book] Ah yes... Garrrrrrdacchk!


Priest: Why don't you stick around, we're playing Bingo later.
Homer: I love that game, but I can never remember what you say when you win...
Priest: Bingo?
Homer: I love that game, but I can never remember what you say when you win...
Priest: How about just saying ''Yay! I won!!'
Homer: Bingo!

[Cyco_Vision]

Comic Book Guy: No banging your head on the display case please, it contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you.

[uncle_musicman]

Homer : Moe, I need your advice.
Moe : Yeah?
Homer : See, I got this friend named...Joey..Joe Joe..Juniour...Shabadoo?
Moe : That's the worst name I've ever heard.
(man runs out the door crying)
Barney : Hey! Joey Joe Joe!

Haha! Thats a good one.

BTW Nice avatar! saw them live a couple of weeks ago, my ears are still ringing.

[uncle_musicman]

Marge: Homer, can you watch the kids while I pick up something for dinner
Homer: Steak?
Marge: No Homer, money is to tight for steak
Homer: Steak?
Marge: ...Ok Homer, Steak it is

[uncle_musicman]

Nobody posted this classic?

Moe gets his ex-army deep fryer delivered
Moe: I bought it off the Army, this thing can flash-fry a cow in 40 seconds
Homer (in whiny voice): 40 seconds!? but I want it nooooow.

[uncle_musicman]

Homer introduces Lisa to the Ice Hockey team she joined.

Homer: Now I don't want you to tease Lisa just cause she is a girl... Look at that kid! hes got boobies! somebody get a wet towel!
(chases German Exchange student 'Uta' around changing rooms whipping him with a towel)
Uta: Oh, don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!

[Jonny]

Homer: Someone ought to take him down a peg... Or should I say down a pie...
Lisa: I believe the expression is peg.
Homer: Maybe you're right Lisa, maybe you're pie.

[uncle_musicman]

Hey, 4 posts in a row!? make that 5.
Lenny to Duffman
Lenny: I thought you died of Liver failure?
Duffman: Duffman never dies, only the actors that portray him, Oh Yeah!

[uncle_musicman]

****.

[User Name]

krusty to crying daughter,"whats wrong with your eyes?you need a claratin or something?"

[uncle_musicman]

Backstage at Loolapalooza
Stage manager guy: Did somebody order the Springfield Symphony Orchestra(?)?. Possibly while high, Cypress Hill im looking in your direction.
Cypress Hill: uh, we think we did. (to Orchestra) do you guys know 'Insane In The Brain'
Orchestra: We many do classical, but we'll give it a shot.

[Engel]

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

[Engel]

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens

[Emperor Chadwick von Cool]

Soldier #1: "Sarge said we were the worst bunch he'd ever seen!"
Soldier #2: "Now, I have to believe he's seen worse bunches than us."
Soldier #1: "But he said-"
Soldier #2: "Yeah, I know what he said! He was just trying to motivate us!"
Soldier #1: "Well it ruined the whole hike."

Superintendent Chalmers: "Perhaps that escaped mental patient you hired has some sort of toxin in his shack... (waves back to Willie outside) Yes, hello Willie!"

Lisa: "Does it make you feel superior to tear down peoples' dreams?"
Filmmaker: "Yes. Does it make you feel smart to question peoples' motives?"
Lisa: "Yes."
Filmmaker: "Well okay then."

Woman: "You know, you try to raise your kids as secular humanists, but then you have these showbiz-types shoving religion down their throat!"
Kid: "Mommy, why was I never baptized?"
Woman: "You see? YOU SEE?!"

Bart: "I'd like to buy Bonestorm please!"
Comic book guy: "Sure, while you're at it, please take my money!"
Bart: "Okay!"
Comic book guy: "Since we are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I will close the register at this time. Please to note that 99 cents is the rental price."

Kid in Shelbyville: "This is Country Time lemonade! There's never been anything close to a lemon in it!"

Mr. Burns: "Hey, what are you doing in my corpse hatch? I mean, my, innocence tube?"

[Jonny]

Lisa: Hey, that sounded like a Silo tipping over...


Skinner: Great work Nibbles, now chew through my ball sack.


Chalmers: Skinner!! There'd better be a **** good explanation for this...
Bart: There is, Sir...
Chalmers: Oh. Then I'm happy.

[Yppolitia]

Raplh: The Doctor said I wouldnt have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

[red barchetta]

Ralph: Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school
Detective: yes, you already told me that. anything else?
Ralph: I once picked my nose until it bleeded.
Detective: about Lisa Simpson!
Ralph: Lisa Simpson is agirl at my school

[Faith No Doubt]

Mr. Burns: "Hey, what are you doing in my corpse hatch? I mean, my, innocence tube?"

The best quote from that episode is when Carl, after looking over that cliff-face they're about to jump off says:

"I think I just logged on to my Internet"

[Yppolitia]

Who's is everyones favourite catchphrase? Mine would have to be Comic Book Guys.

[crag]

Who's is everyones favourite catchphrase? Mine would have to be Comic Book Guys.
mr burns

[mmfan486]

Who's is everyones favourite catchphrase? Mine would have to be Comic Book Guys.
Mayor Quimby, probably.

"The mayor's office is not for sale!"

(all laugh)

"Can we, er, edit out the laughs?"

Camera-man shakes his head hopelessly.

[AIC/EAZY-E]

Ms. Krabapel : I've never heard the word embiggen until I moved into Springfield.
Ms. Hoover : Why not, it's a perfectly cromulent word.

[AIC/EAZY-E]

Chalmers : What's that red light coming out of your kitchen?
Skinner : Arouraborialis.
Chalmers : Arouraborialis. At THIS time of year, at THIS time of day, located ENTIRELY in your kitchen.
Skinner : Yes!
Chalmers : May I see it?
Skinner :...No.

[BringHomeTheBacon]

Store employee: "Sir, other people need to use our dressing rooms you know."
Homer: "Dressing room.............uh-oh."

[red barchetta]

Dr Nick: don't worry, you won't feel a thing... until i jam this down your throat!

[flam_flam]

the one where the kids are stranded and ralph looks for food:

lisa: ralph found some berries!
bart: what do they taste like ralph?
ralph: they taste like.... burning.... ahhhh!!

[Emperor Chadwick von Cool]

Homer: "Five bucks?! This is the biggest tax increase in history!"
Lisa: "Actually, it's the smallest tax increase in history."
Homer: "Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax."
Lisa: "That's the homeowner tax."

Bodyguard: "Sir, there's an unruly mob here to see you."
Mayor Quimby: "Does it have an appointment?"
Bodyguard: "Uh... yes it does."
Skinner: "I phoned ahead!"

Moe: "Immigrants! I knew it was them! even when it was the bears, I knew it was them."

[El_Goodo]

Chalmers: SKinner your fired!
Skinner: Did you just call me a liar?
Chalmers: No..I said you were fired!
Skinner: ...O...thats much worse.

[Jonny]

Homer: And the best part is, Stupid Flanders doesn't even know what going on in his stupid house. Hence my nickname, ''Stupid Flanders''.

[Iskandar]

Homer: "I'm going to march right into his office, grab him by his big bald head, and say, 'HEY! I'm not going to jail for YOU, or ANYBODY!"

:lol:

[Emperor Chadwick von Cool]

Superintendent Chalmers: "Aurora borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: "...Yes."
Superintendent Chalmers: "May I see it?"

[TheCrimsonKing]

I like the tree house of horror where they "kill" the werewolf flanders.

Then when they are going back home homer goes

Homer: I cant believe we got away with murder
(homer sees Milhouse playing in the street)
Homer: You know, I never really liked that weiner Milhouse


ha ha ha

[rippa32]

I don't know if this has been said but my favourite is.

George Harrison: Hi Homer i'm George Harrison.
Homer: OH MY GOD!!!, where did you get that brownie?

[FenderSRX]

Homer: One ticket for Mr Burns Please (somethin like that)
Guy in Booth: Ok Mr burns whats your first name?
Homer: I dont Know

[Emperor Chadwick von Cool]

Homer (at an AA meeting with Barney): "These sugar cookies you speak of: are they real or symbolic?"
Woman: "They're right over there."
Homer: "Oh, all the way over there? Anything that takes twelve steps, isn't worth doing! Get it? TWELVE?" (Wakes up in bushes outside) "How did I get out here?"

[Cyco_Vision]

Homer: One ticket for Mr Burns Please (somethin like that)
You're way off, scrub:

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

[Cyco_Vision]

Agnes: Ohh! You're doing it all wrong, Seymour!
Seymour: I'm trying my best, mother.
Agnes: You're failing, Seymore. What is it with you and failure?

[Cyco_Vision]

If anyone knows what episode is from then you get respect.

Ned: Let's see what we have over here at Table: Glick
Mrs. Glick: It's a candy dish, Ned! 90 dollars.
Ned: Well I'm sure you could put alot of things in-(interrupted)
Mrs. Glick: No, Ned! Just candy! 90 dollars.

[XDarknessX]

Homer: im shaquille o' neal

[Iron_Weed]

If anyone knows what episode is from then you get respect.

Ned: Let's see what we have over here at Table: Glick
Mrs. Glick: It's a candy dish, Ned! 90 dollars.
Ned: Well I'm sure you could put alot of things in-(interrupted)
Mrs. Glick: No, Ned! Just candy! 90 dollars.

The one where George Bush moves in.

[Brew]

I think I got this wrong but you get the idea...

Skinner: Its bad enough having Willy teach French
*cut to Willy in a class full of kids*
Willy: BAANNJOOOOUURRRAH!

[moaner]

lisa: HONK!!

[red barchetta]

I think I got this wrong but you get the idea...

Skinner: Its bad enough having Willy teach French
*cut to Willy in a class full of kids*
Willy: BAANNJOOOOUURRRAH!
:lol: that was hilarious.

another good french one:

lisa: oh no, i went to the wrong school!
class: HAHAHAHAHAHA
french teacher: en francais!
class: HUHUHUHUHUHUHUH

you need to actually hear the laughter to understand it

[Anxious]

I think I got this wrong but you get the idea...

Skinner: Its bad enough having Willy teach French
*cut to Willy in a class full of kids*
Willy: BAANNJOOOOUURRRAH!You cheese eating surrender monkeys!
fixed.

[Jonny]

Homer: I'd like 290 bathtubs please.
Store guy: You know they're 300 for $5000 today.
Homer: I said 290!!

[FenderSRX]

You're way off, scrub:

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
sorry Im not a tv addict

[DuncMaster]

Burns- "No even Rarer. Im going to catch the lockness monster."


Loch Ness.

[BringHomeTheBacon]

Marge is crying because Bart is sent to Juvenille for having a fake wedding.
Ralph: "Your eyes need diapers."
Chief Wiggum: "Your eyes need..that's good Ralph."

[DemonicRubberDucky]

Ralph: Look, daddy! I can make Opi-O's!

Goat: Baaaah.
Willie: WHATAYA SAYIN' ABOUT ME MOTHER!?!
(Willie chokes goat)

[Mr. Black]

ine i saw recently

"Cheif wiggum P.I will return right now" I have no idea why that made me laugh or i like it so much

also "YOu sir are and idiot"

[Mr. Black]

Old lady: Ok, you can plough my drive, but be careful and don't scrape the asplhalt

Homer: Kiss my asplhalt

Agnes: SEYMOUR, Are you looking at pictures of naked women on the internet

Skinner: No, Mother

Agnes : you wuss

[The Musician]

D'oh.

[Brew]

fixed.

:lol:

hxxp://s38.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3EV37OSZ5Q4MP011P4637GOV6I

:)

(replace the x's with t's)

[Faith No Doubt]

Homer is sleeping at work.

Mr. Burns: "Hello, Simpson"

Homer: "Ah! *places hands over eyes* I cannot get in trouble if I don't see you!"

Smithers (to Mr. Burns): I'm afraid he's got us, Sir.

[Yppolitia]

Homer is sleeping at work.

Mr. Burns: "Hello, Simpson"

Homer: "Ah! *places hands over eyes* I cannot get in trouble if I don't see you!"

Smithers (to Mr. Burns): I'm afraid he's got us, Sir.

Haha, dont remeber that one.

[unComfortablyNumb]

Mr. Burns:"Simpson, I want you to show this woman the time of her life."
Homer:"Gotcha. Marge, we're getting some drive-thru, then we're doing it twice."


Homer:"Well I am not about to sleep in a bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. So I'm gonna walk downstairs, unfold the pull-out sofa, unroll the sleeping bag........goodnight." *Homer just falls asleep*

[drugstore cowboy]

Jimmy Carter: Say, Homer, do you like football?
Homer: Do I!
Jimmy Carter: Do you like nachos?
Homer: Yes, Mr. President
Jimmy Carter: Well, then maybe you can come over and watch football, and eat nachos. And then, we can have some beer.
Homer: I think this is a the start of a beautiful friend-
*They both trip on the driveway*
Both: D'oh!

[helloohello]

homer: hello my name is mr burns, i believe you have a letter for me.
post office guy: ok, whats your first name mr burns.
homer: um.. i.. dont know

[Lord Abortion]

Homer "maybe a little morphine would help"

Hibbert:"Homer simpson, you and your morphine"

[panthersfan16]

Chief Wiggum hints at a bribe

Homer stares blankly

"It's a ring toss game."

[DaveTheAmazing]

Simpsons quotes = comedy gold.
My Favouites:

Bart gets in trouble for shoplifting. The manager leaves a message on his phone. He gets home before Homer and replaces the tape with some tape with songs on it.

Homer sees that he has one message.

Homer: That's weird. I didnt have a message when I left.

Homer plays it. In a male voice, it sings:

"Dear mother.. Dear father.. here i am.. At camp Grenada!"

Homer: Marge, is Lisa at camp grenada??

lol. I also like:

Kent Brockman on tv: "Remember Mr Burns, owner of the local Nuclear Power Plant, the man who run over a local boy, blocked out the sun, and built a casino in springfield? Well Guess who's flat broke and picking up trash for a living?"

homer: "please be flanders, please be flanders, please be flanders"

lool. I could go on all day. I may just.

Class: Lisa likes nelson!!
Millhouse: She does not!!
Class: Millhouse likes Lisa!!
Jenny or sumthing: He does not!!
class: Jenny like Millhouse!
Ooter (german kid): She does not!!
Class: Ooter likes millhouse!!
Teacher: No body likes millhouse!

lololol. 2 more.

Homer falls into the pit dug for his coffin.

woman: You awful, awful man, get out of my sons grave!
Homer: I hate to brake it to you, but this is my grave.
woman: Homer?
Homer: mom? I thought u were dead!
woman: I thought YOU were dead?

Cemetary dude; isnt anyone in this darnd cemetary dead?

Moleman as he gets lowered into his grave: well, I didn't want to cause a fuss..

haha. last one.

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

[Yppolitia]

Simpsons quotes = comedy gold.
My Favouites:

Bart gets in trouble for shoplifting. The manager leaves a message on his phone. He gets home before Homer and replaces the tape with some tape with songs on it.

Homer sees that he has one message.

Homer: That's weird. I didnt have a message when I left.

Homer plays it. In a male voice, it sings:

"Dear mother.. Dear father.. here i am.. At camp Grenada!"

Homer: Marge, is Lisa at camp grenada??

lol. I also like:

Kent Brockman on tv: "Remember Mr Burns, owner of the local Nuclear Power Plant, the man who run over a local boy, blocked out the sun, and built a casino in springfield? Well Guess who's flat broke and picking up trash for a living?"

homer: "please be flanders, please be flanders, please be flanders"

lool. I could go on all day. I may just.

Class: Lisa likes nelson!!
Millhouse: She does not!!
Class: Millhouse likes Lisa!!
Jenny or sumthing: He does not!!
class: Jenny like Millhouse!
Ooter (german kid): She does not!!
Class: Ooter likes millhouse!!
Teacher: No body likes millhouse!

lololol. 2 more.

Homer falls into the pit dug for his coffin.

woman: You awful, awful man, get out of my sons grave!
Homer: I hate to brake it to you, but this is my grave.
woman: Homer?
Homer: mom? I thought u were dead!
woman: I thought YOU were dead?

Cemetary dude; isnt anyone in this darnd cemetary dead?

Moleman as he gets lowered into his grave: well, I didn't want to cause a fuss..

haha. last one.

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Thats a great one.

[Faith No Doubt]

Why no Sideshow Bob quotes?

*Bob is hypnotizing Bart*

Bob: "You are at my power"

Bart: "I am at your command"

Bob: "I didn't say command, I said power. Wait, stay at command, no, no...power!"

*Bob is having dinner with his brother Cecil*

Bob: "You know Cecil I had this problem with um...killing people"

Cecil: "Oh really? I did not know, for I have been living on Mars for ten years, with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears"

*Bob and Selma are arguing*

Selma: "You're lying!"

Bob: "No, this is a lie: *in sappy luvvie-darling voice* well that was an excellent piece of programming that never made me want to retch"

And on the subject of Hans Moleman:

Moleman: "Biscuits...mailman..."

Waitress: "You're reading the wine list, sir"

Moleman: "Very good"

[red barchetta]

FBI: people write letters to movie stars, but this Simpson guy writes letters to movies: 'dear Die Hard; you rock. especially when that guy was on the roof. ps. do you know Mad Max?'



Homer: now I'm not a person who's good with words....
everyone: ...
Homer: ...
everyone: ...

[shamed-angel]

"This is the Channel 5 news, live with Kent Brockman, and to prove it's live, a penis."

[Yppolitia]

I like the one when Maggie gets that frog that you press the button and it says the letter and Homer takes it and is asleep and is pressing the Z, so all you hear is "Z,z,z,z,z,z,z"

[DaveTheAmazing]

Anyone remember when Burns's son comes back? That was a great episode. Sorry If I can't remember all of these quotes correctly.. Also I dunno if the guy is called "Larry" i think thats it

At the start the simpsons are goin hoem from somethingin their car. they go past Larry, who's holding a sign saying "springfield"

Homer: They should really get a pole for that sign!"

lol.

Also, when larry is discussing with hoemr how to get burn's respect..

Homer: Well the best way to win your dad's respect, is a phoney kidnapping.
Larry: No, Im going to change my ways. Im gonna stop with all the jokes, I'm gunna be a whole new guy!
-in mr burns office, where he has a letter-
burns(reading letter): Your son has been.. kidnapped?!

lol

and when Homer and Larry are on the run from the police, they take refuge in a cinema, and sit in front of Hans Moleman. They make lots of noise and mess.

Hans: Excuse me, some of us are trying to watch the movie.
Homer: Hey if you don't like it call the cops!
Hans walks away as Homer and Larry continue laughing/making noise

The next scene sees the police having the building surrounded :lol:

[captainhaddock]

"This is the Channel 5 news, live with Kent Brockman, and to prove it's live, a penis."

:lol: :lol: :lol:
i was going to put that!!

[Kenny_Fever]

When Homer is building his bbq pit: "English side ruined... Must use French side... Le grille?! What the hell is that?!"

later on: "Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry in my life?!"


Woman: "Why do you want to be a big brother?"
Homer's Brain: "Don't say revenge, don't say revenge!"
Homer: "Revenge."
Homer's Brain: "That's it, I'm outta here" (footsteps, then a door slams)


Chief Wiggum: "Just hang on a couple minutes for Detective I-Don't-Give-A-****"
Lisa: "Dad --"
Homer: "Quiet now, Lisa, daddy's waiting for the detective."


Mental Institution worker: "Try to guess which of our patients is a cannibal. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised!"


Homer: "Eww, slimy... Ow! Pointy... Uh oh! Moving!... Oh... 20 dollars... I wanted a peanut!"


Barney: "I don't know where you pixies come from, but I sure like your pixie drink!"


Haha... and i love when Homer is an astronaut, and he's talking to Marge on the phone, and then all of the sudden you hear like a phone dialing... then Marge is like: "You already dialed the number"


good times...

[Benzum]

Principal Skinner is one of the best characters on the show ever. That is all I have to say at the moment.....

[-1up!-]

Barney: Hey, Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left.

[Ascendancy]

Marge and Lisa come across Barney drunk on the floor during a reinactment of something.

Marge: Ahh, Barney, are you the town drunk?
Barney: No, Im suppose to be the Major.

Not word perfect.

[Faith No Doubt]

Mayor Quimby: "Can't we have one town meeting that doesn't end in digging up a body?"

[creepingdeth666]

Marge "No I will not pay you $500 for sex."

[Iron_Weed]

Homer: Who brought us here?
Other guy: I don't know.
Homer: Did you bring us here?
Other guy: No

Homer: Well the important thing is I am no longer a slave to this (holds up a joint)
Marge: Homer, why do you still carry that around?
Homer: As a reminder. (Camera zooms in to show joint has "Dentist Tuesday" written on it.)

[mmfan486]

(Not word perfect, it's been a while since I've seen this one!)

Frank Grimes: "Homer, you've got a three-fifteen!"
(Homer looks at his watch)
Grimes: "A three-fifteen Homer, a three-fifteen!"
(Homer looks at his watch, his expression identical to the one he had before)
Grimes: "In your office Homer, a three-fifteen!"
Homer: Oh, a three-FIFteen, right..."
(Goes into office and pours water all over the console.)

[red barchetta]

(Not word perfect, it's been a while since I've seen this one!)

Frank Grimes: "Homer, you've got a three-fifteen!"
(Homer looks at his watch)
Grimes: "A three-fifteen Homer, a three-fifteen!"
(Homer looks at his watch, his expression identical to the one he had before)
Grimes: "In your office Homer, a three-fifteen!"
Homer: Oh, a three-FIFteen, right..."
(Goes into office and pours water all over the console.)
i loved that episode.

Grimes: ooh, whats this? high voltage? well, i don't need safety gloves, cos i'm Homer Simp..[dies]

[mmfan486]

I'm absolutely hot ond that episode.

Grimes: ooh, whats this? high voltage? well, i don't need safety gloves, cos i'm Homer Simp..[dies]
And then

Rev. Lovejoy: "Frank Grimes, or Grimey, as he liked to be called..."

Bit of the old dramatic irony.

[EightMilesHigh]

I used to rock and roll all night and party every day.

Then it was every other day.

Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week to get funky :upset:

[Faith No Doubt]

Don Brodka: "I bet you think you're pretty smart, don'tcha?"

Bart: "No."

Brodka: "Don't smart-mouth me, smart guy."

[Ilija]

Marge: Homie Where Are You Going?

Homer's Brain: Quick Homer You Have To Think Of Something.

Homer: Im Going Outside......To Stalk....Lenny..And Carl

[Mexican Bandito]

"saxamaphone" hee hee :D

[Jawaharal]

comic book guy: I almost got married once........ On a role playing online game but it would have severelly lowered my power crysillis. :lol: :lol:

[-ath-]

Homer's advice on beating jury duty:

'The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races'

[Faith No Doubt]

Moe: "I've been called ugly, fugly, pug-ugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly".

[seibel88]

Marge throws Homer out of the house and slams the door.

Homer: Honey, the wind blew the door shut.

[unComfortablyNumb]

Parole Judge: "Well, what about that tatoo on your chest? Doesn't it say 'Die, Bart, Die'?"
Sideshow Bob: "No, that's German for 'The Bart, The'."
Parole Judge: "No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!"

[mmfan486]

Mr Burns: "...someone up there likes me, Smithers."
Smithers: "Someone down here likes you too sir."
Mr Burns: "SHUT UP!"

[red barchetta]

Smithers: here, i'll print you a copy
Lisa: thanks mr Smithers
Smithers' computer: [mr burns saying] hello smithers, you are good at turning me on.
Smithers:... you should just ignore that.

[mmfan486]

Lisa: "Don't tell me Mom dresses you?"
Homer "I guess... or one of her friends..."

[Faith No Doubt]

Homer: "Impeach Churchill!"

[otacon3]

Smithers: I'v never gone behind Mr.Burns back before, but Sideshow Bobs ultra-conservitive views, er, conflict with my... choice of lifestyle

[aMindlessMuse]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

some good quotes here....
i like when helper monkey mojo lays dieing

"pray for mojo"

[Faith No Doubt]

*Bart and Milhouse are trying to find a fireworks stash in the woods. Bart is riding his bike and Milhouse is riding Lisa's, pink, small with a daisy-patterned basket on the front*

Bart: "So what's it like riding a girl's bike?"

Milhouse: "It's disturbingly comfortable"

[tXoxhXc]

*Homer and flanders are in flanders car*
Flanders:Homer I think we hit somthing
Homer:Good, hope its flanders

[mmfan486]

Homer: "Africa?! They're BOUND to have food there!"

[otacon3]

Skinner:Ok nibbles now i need you to chew through my ball sack

[Faith No Doubt]

Originally posted by otacon3
Skinner:Ok nibbles now i need you to chew through my ball sack


That's a classic.

Treehouse of Horror III, when Homer has to buy Bart a birthday gift:

*Creepy Chinese shopkeeper places Krusty doll on counter*

Chinese man: I warn you, it carries a terrible curse.

Homer: That's bad.

Chinese man: But it comes with a free frogurt!

Homer: That's good.

Chinese man: The frogurt is also cursed.

Homer: That's bad.

Chinese man: But you can choose your topping!

Homer: That's good.

Chinese man: The topping contains potassium benzoate.

*Homer stares blankly, not understanding*

Chinese man: That's bad.

[Ascendancy]

Heatwave episode and Homer gets the santa out and he plugs it in and it starts singing:

Santa: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle...

And the power cuts out and Homer goes

Homer: Jingle Bell what!?!?

[EightMilesHigh]

Max POW-EEEEERRRRRRRS!

The man with the name you'd love to tooooooooouch!

But you musn't tooooooooouch!

His name sounds good in your ear, but when you hear it, you musn't fear....for his name can be saaaaaaaid, by anyoooooooooone!

[Scoot]

Ransom Note: Follow these instructions and Bart won't be harmed.

Homer: "Follow instructions?! Bart's doomed! Oh, this is going to be the worst thanksgiving ever!"

Marge: "Thanksgiving isn't for months!"

Homer: "The bad news just keeps coming!"

[Faith No Doubt]

Mountain Of Madness:

*Homer is climbing the Murderhorn with the Sherpas to guide him*

Sherpa #1: I saw your death last night.

Sherpa #2: Stop saying that.