may be emo but please critique.

[IamFredAstaire66]

I'm lyin there,
maybe you'll stay
I beg you eternally
but you leave anyway, and I'm
on the floor
not getting up this time
You could've saved me
from that heartbroken line...

You're All i got
i'd die without if your not here tonight
I need you, I want you
Its not alright
I won't settle for less
You're all i got

I saw you today
suprised you said hey
but thats not good enough
I want to be you anyway
I'll see you more
come over everyday
it'll be just like the old days
when you said that you tore my heart open, you said"

you're not for me
but we could be friends anyways
your gone
out of my love life and you're not
There"
I'll be there for you like you're All i got
I'd die without you if you're not here tonight
I need you, i want you
It's not alright
And I wont settle for less, You're all I got

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

I've already made enough people leave the boards by bashing their songs, so I'll leave this one up to someone else.

[mikethecoug]

Ok, i'm not gonna go into too much detail because I think I would come over a little harsh, but this is what I gotta say.

I enjoyed the first verse, and the whole "You're all I got" thing was pretty good, I take it that's the song name?

I'm lyin there,
maybe you'll stay
I beg you eternally
but you leave anyway, and I'm
on the floor
not getting up this time
You could've saved me
from that heartbroken line...

You're All i got
i'd die without if your not here tonight
I need you, I want you
Its not alright
I won't settle for less
You're all i got

That was the best part, but after that part, I felt slightly let down and the song didn't flow properly if you get what I mean, and the rhyming seemed a little forced like

I saw you today
suprised you said hey
but thats not good enough
I want to be you anyway

I really didn't like that part. You really need work on this. 4/10.

Crit my piece. "My Insignificance".
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=361758

[MindlessPickle]

Ok, I didnt find any part of that song particular intresting, it lacks flow. It seems you didnt spend particular much time on this, I mean, its so plain, why dont you spice it up or something. Use metaphors, structure (not referring to chorus, verse).

Well, Im a real rookie at this too, my songs are probably worse but at least I try to make something original. I hope this helped you a bit.