Last Letter of Richard Gamble

[Popeye]

I was reading amagazine and I read tis story asbout a guy who killed himself and he wrote a letter to his two-year-old son. That's where I got the idea for this. Might be a bit sloppy at times. Alright, see you at the bottom.

Sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't break the skin
It hurts so much I don't know where to begin
I can only say I hope you never die

Maybe there is an option I didn't see
vegeance to pay the debts given to me
either way it hurts like it did before

<chorus>
I'll never realize what I had done
I don't want to see my life
on the other side
I will never hold my son
I might not see the light
on the other side
<end-chorus>

I have wasted my life all the while
just remember fractured men still smile
but smiles only heal visible emotional scars

i could never help my only son
so I place this unholy gun
next to my waiting temple/ I'm ready to go

<chorus>

goodbye my dearest and only son
you know you were the only one
who didn't give me sh*t over every little thing

I am ready to go, hope you turn out right
I pray to God that your life doesn't turn out like mine
Decisions, burned bridges torment my last hours here

<chorus>

thank you and goodbye
I know this won't make things right
thank you and goodbye
I hope you never see me on the other side
cause I bet you can already tell
that my punishment is... obvious.

Alright, be gentle...

[Counted Out]

Try getting rid of the word "I" so much.

[bard2dbone]

Sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't break the skin
This is actually a pretty good line, considering that you are doing the 'suicide note as song' thing.


but smiles only heal visible emotional scarsThis is also good, considering the subject matter.

i could never helpyou know you were the only one
who didn't give me sh*t over every little thing This, however, is not. No. Just No.

Decisions, burned bridges torment my last hours here I liked 'Decisions, burned bridges' That's a nice couplet(or whatever, sometimes I forget.)


thank you and goodbye
I know this won't make things right
thank you and goodbye
I hope you never see me on the other side
cause I bet you can already tell
that my punishment is... obvious.

And this felt too repetitive. If that helped you at all, then feel free to search up one of mine to crit, like Small Towns, Grimalkin, Captive in Crystal, A Few Minutes More,Information, Sell Out or whatever else I have actually posted.

[Leaves]

I felt the word sh*t was inappropriate considering it's a father talking to his 2-year-old son.

Otherwise it was pretty decent. Very emotional subject, for sure.

[Popeye]

THanks guys, just let me make a few changes, see you at the bottom.

Sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't break the skin
It hurts so much I don't know where to begin
I can only say I hope you never die

<chorus>
I'll never realize what I had done
I don't want to see my life
on the other side
I will never hold my son
I might not see the light
on the other side
<end-chorus>

I have wasted my life all the while
just remember fractured men still smile
but smiles only heal visible emotional scars

Maybe there is an option I didn't see
vegeance to pay the debts given to me
either way it hurts like it did before

<chorus>

goodbye my dearest and only son
you know you were the only one
who didn't blame me for every little thing

I am ready to go, hope you turn out right
I pray to God that your life doesn't turn out like mine
Decisions, burned bridges torment my last hours here

<chorus>

A bit shorter, but it cuts out the crap and it's different structure now. Better now?