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View Full Version : If You Want Me To Stop Singing Then Stab Me In The Back! (CRIT for a CRIT)


Solar
07-05-2005, 08:57 AM
Do you want me to kill you?
A pain engraved on a heart set in stone.
Would you pay me to tear you open?
These words sung aloud, they can shatter the bone.
I'd rent the earth if you wanted me,
It wouldn't be the first I'd destroyed in your name.
It's bittersweet you are the enemy.
The foe that I love and the source of my pain.

Could you tear me to pieces?
You stripped my soul clean, so why leave the flesh?
I figured that I was invincible,
Funny, that changes when you have nothing left.
A melody of arrogance,
Try paying a price that demands all of your heart.
Hold up your store, juggle your conscience.
You saw I'm alone, and alone from the start.

You are the last bite, the one I never could take,
The pause in the silence, the fold in the break.
The praise that goes out to my biggest mistake.
The cry in the dark- the one you never could fake.

Would you press my eyes closed?
While they stared blank, just up from the carpet.
Would you take time off to see me?
While I slept and shivered in my casket.
I try to salt all my wounds,
Save only one, which remains just for you.
You can't salt the wounds on the inside.
Without cutting through.

You are the last bite, the one I never could take,
The pause in the silence, the fold in the break.
The praise that goes out to my biggest mistake.
The cry in the dark- the one you never could fake.

So pack up your suitcase,
Pack up your life.
Pack up this moment,
And i'll pack up my knife.

You are the last bite, the one I never could take,
The pause in the silence, the fold in the break.
The praise that goes out to my biggest mistake.
The cry in the dark- the one you never could fake.

masada
07-05-2005, 09:04 AM
Hmm.. I'm not really the greatest at point at things with people's songs, but I rather like this one. So don't really have any quibbles with this, except maybe :

So pack up your suitcase,
Pack up your life.
Pack up this moment,
And i'll pack up my knife.

It just seems to come out of nowhere, as if it were a random homocidal thought. Could you explain that bit?

Solar
07-05-2005, 09:06 AM
Hmm.. I'm not really the greatest at point at things with people's songs, but I rather like this one. So don't really have any quibbles with this, except maybe :



It just seems to come out of nowhere, as if it were a random homocidal thought. Could you explain that bit?
Yeah, I figured i'd throw in a bridge- I'm really not sure where I could fit this in with the guitar I have in mind but I'll see what I can manage when I get my amp back :)

Solar
07-05-2005, 05:20 PM
come one guys. bump.

Popeye
07-05-2005, 05:26 PM
Good one, I liked it (like a bunch of stuff here). It was just a little random every-once-in-a-while, good job though.

p.s. Sorry about hijacking the post but what does "bump" mean? I've been seeing it everywhere.

jade858907
07-05-2005, 05:27 PM
ive got no complants i like it. in depth and all and something ppl can relate to its good. and if ppl relate its the greatest you know? jade can you crit me some time? thanks l8r