Champions Are Born

[SMOK3]

I was thinking of boxing and bam, there it was.... Ummm tell me what yoiu think


I'll give you what you want
12 rounds of bitterness
There will be no towel
To throw in this time

I'll give you what you need
Punches for all your lies
The only way out now
Is for you to fall

Knock you out
And it's all over
No more time to waste
On you anymore
Shake off the pain
The stinging of your blows
For I have won this time
A new champion is born

I'll be the stronger one
And just walk away
Time heals all the wounds
Bleeding inside of me

Knock you out
And it's all over
No more time to waste
On you anymore
Shake off the pain
The stinging of your blows
For I have won this time
A new champion is born

Knock you out
And it's all over
No more time to waste
On you anymore
Shake off the pain
The stinging of your blows
For I have won this time
A new champion is born

[Riding The Short Bus]

For some reason I really like the chorus. Honestly the first song about boxing I have ever heard. I like how there is not really any rhyming and it still flows pretty good. It seems like this song could work in a couple of different genres.

[Ilija]

It's an Ok song, unlike Riding the short bus i have heard a few boxing songs, and they all are basically the same. Yours fits in with the other songs because there is only so much you can talk about in boxing. Though yours does have a bit more depth to it than most others so thats a positive thing.

On your structure and flow, it would benifit with a few more rhymes, which might create a good hook for the song. The flow is fine it does really work well.

I'm interested in what kind of music would be behind these lyrics.

Overall good job dude just work a bit more at it, and i'm sure it would be alot better.

If you dont mind could you check out my song. "It's Too Late" And maybe give it a crit. :)

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=360460

[SMOK3]

I really didnt think of many songs that involved boxin when writing this... I thought it was more original

[Popeye]

I've never really heard a song about boxing before. I though it was kind of funny, imagining two ballerinas without music, choreography, and they are hitting each other. Good job. Very unique.

[DazedMountainTop]

It's good. There's only one thing I would change that might make it flow a little bit better...

Knock you out
And it's over
No more time to waste
On you anymore
Shake off the pain
The stinging of your blows
For I have won this time
A new champion is born

I think in that line, it could do well if it said "And it's all over" instead of just "And it's over".

Other than that, I like it. Would like to hear it with music.

[SMOK3]

Ok I edited the Chorus on that line, because i really agree with you there.... Anyone else

[factor46]

You did a nice job with this song. It's definately not my style of writing....but for what it is, it's good. The flow was a little messed up in some parts where you separated the lines. But that's fine I suppose. And the only other problem I'd have with this piece is that the chorus is structured to where it rhymes. But that's only my opinion. I'm just not fond of rhyming lyrics. So it's cool. Keep writing man, I smell potential in the air. :thumb:


And thanks for critiquing my piece.

[SMOK3]

Bump

[VivaLaSam461]

Cool Song

[SMOK3]

Cool Song

Thank you sir, thanks for everyones crits.... Anyone else

[slaughteredfirst]

You seem to like the Verse Chorus Verse Chorus Chorus style. Try something a bit differnt.

For the song the Chorus out weighs the verse, I never like that but thats just something of mine.

I get the this is a rock song to fight to kinda thing. As a song of that type it stands fine on its own just try to beef it up a bit more.

I did like the 12 rounds of bitterness line though. That just struck a chord with me for some reason.

Overall I would make it a bit longer, unless there is a massive switch off 20 minute long guitar solo to make the song a bit longer. :lol:

[andrew]

I think boxing's too obvious a metaphor. But done with some style. Not bad. 7/10

[SMOK3]

You seem to like the Verse Chorus Verse Chorus Chorus style. Try something a bit differnt.

For the song the Chorus out weighs the verse, I never like that but thats just something of mine.

I get the this is a rock song to fight to kinda thing. As a song of that type it stands fine on its own just try to beef it up a bit more.

I did like the 12 rounds of bitterness line though. That just struck a chord with me for some reason.

Overall I would make it a bit longer, unless there is a massive switch off 20 minute long guitar solo to make the song a bit longer. :lol:

Now that you mention it, there is that solo ;). Actually, I did decide to go with that VVCVCC a couple times... Trying something new, and I really like it. I have switched them up a lot when writing, but I seem to like it. Thanks for the crit, and you too andrew