"Awaken" please crit

[AshesOfHate]

(Verse 1)
Enter the gate of chaos
and hear the roaring sound
feel the earth shake
as fire exits the ground

(chorus)
Stop the sound of the funeral bell
and end my silent hell
Wake me up when i am dead
and show me the way it ends

(verse 2)
walk to the other side
of the astral plain
Scream out for me
before you know my name

(Breakdown)
Look at the starts sifting by
expand your senses
expand your mind

(chorus)
Stop the sound of the funeral bell
and end my silent hell
Wake me up when i am dead
and show me the way it ends

(Bridge)
Reach out and feel your fate
Reach out and show your hate

[Blackhorizons]

Nice, I like it alot I think the chorus is really cool but the first verse is a little eh to me. Otherwise I think it's pretty **** good.

[SMOK3]

yea this song is pretty good... I liked it. As Black said, the first verse is a little iffy.... might want to change that. I did however like the chrous and the "funeral bell" was a nice touch.... 8/10


Please Crit Mine Champions Are Born

[SlapnPop]

the "as fire exits the ground" line was the only line that was meh... The rest of the song is really good. I like the selection of words on the second verse.

[SMOK3]

the "as fire exits the ground" line was the only line that was meh... The rest of the song is really good. I like the selection of words on the second verse.

Yea thats what got me too... It just didnt seem to flow

[AshesOfHate]

wow thanks guys for the cits. ill go look at that last line