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View Full Version : my fairy tale life (crits please!)


jade858907
07-03-2005, 08:45 PM
ok well i hope that this is better i just threw this one together i'd really appreciate everyones thoughts. i really need you to help to help me improve thanks you guys!!

deep and dark this castle is
contains a dragon that lives
to protect the princess in the highest tower
holds her captive by the fear of him that makes her cower

"says he protects me
from the evils that reside beyond these walls"
she thinks "if only he'd open his eyes he'd see
that his little princess hears the evil that calls"

waiting for her prince to save her
planned her last words to her captor
**** you, sir
her escape take action afer the setting sun's rapture

shall her fairy tale end happily
will regrets haunt her with "if only?"
one last night here
one last shed tear

applescruff
07-03-2005, 08:52 PM
ok well i hope that this is better i just threw this one together i'd really appreciate everyones thoughts. i really need you to help to help me improve thanks you guys!!

deep and dark this castle is
contains a dragon that lives
to protect the princess in the highest tower
holds her captive by the fear of him that makes her cower

"says he protects me
from the evils that reside beyond these walls"
she thinks "if only he'd open his eyes he'd see
that his little princess hears the evil that calls"

waiting for her prince to save her
planned her last words to her captor
**** you, sir
her escape take action afer the setting sun's rapture

shall her fairy tale end happily
will regrets haunt her with "if only?"
one last night here
one last shed tear


well its alright man, what were you planning on making it into, punk jazz rock etc, what key....the yrics so far are alright :thumb:

jade858907
07-03-2005, 08:59 PM
well i am a girl, and um i dont know i like writing lyrics and some times i get a rhythm some times i dont. mostly punk, really all punk lol. thanks for your input

jade858907
07-06-2005, 12:43 PM
bump

just a statistic
07-06-2005, 04:13 PM
I found the piece quite amusing especially the third stanza the only thing that bugged me was the AAAA rhyme scheme in the 3rd stanza
feel free to have a look at mine
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=360263