Going for a Swim

[apocalypseNOW]

I dove off the board and into the deep end
But the deep end was a bit too shallow
And I felt as if I was drowning
In a pool of insignificance

I'm bathed in my own sweat
And the towel to dry me is wet
I wish this was a dream
A wet dream of self discovery
Set in a pool of insignificance

Come nightfall the water is dark
And by day the water is even darker
Without a light in this pool
Finding yourself is harder then finding the surface
In the pool of insignificance


alright. crits would be nice.

[usedgreenromance]

everythings ****ing awesome and the onlyt thing was teh pool of insignificents doesnt nee dto be in the second verse thing yeah otherwise its great

[apocalypseNOW]

bump

[as_disaster_strikes]

nice song,putting "drowning in a pool of insignifacance,(sp?)is good at the end of the verses,its original.nice and creative :wave:

[apocalypseNOW]

thank you. and anyone else? jhust a few more crits?

[SixStringKing]

yeah it was pretty good.. nothing specatacular, but good. i dont like the second verse as much...it just seemed off, first and third were good tho, i dont know if it was the fact that your first rhyme seemed forced in the beginning or if it was the "set in a pool of insiignificance" at the end of it, it just seemed off.

feel free to crit mine http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=355980