Just Wait

[WeerezIsTehWinz]

She waits for me
At the corner of the street
The intersection of logic and my heart
You wait to see
What move I'll make next
I'll do something exciting
Something you won't expect

How can you see
What's going on inside of me?
You won't feel a thing...
Oh.

Let's talk this out
Will you ever know that this song is about
You, and my jealousy?
Now it's too late
I tell you, I can't hesitate
Man, just step aside
I'm gonna become everything you hate

How can you see
What's going on inside of me?
You won't feel a thing

You don't understand
I've gotta become you, so won't you take my hand?
It may be the last you ever take
Please help me out
You gotta know by now what I'm talking about
Let's get our collective heads out of the sand
Before we bend and break

What can I even say?
We're practically similar anyway
Except for me, I must be insane
I'm sorry if I seem imposing to you
But I gotta this rug out from under you
Things will never always be the same

How can you see
What's going on inside of me?
You won't feel a thing

You don't understand
I've gotta become you, so won't you take my hand?
It may be the last you ever take
Please help me out
You gotta know by now what I'm talking about
Let's get our collective heads out of the sand
Before we bend and break

We're a lot alike, you know
I guess it just goes to show
That two people could easily share a mind
Could you please take care of mine?

How can you see
What's going on inside of me?
You won't feel a thing

You don't understand
I've gotta become you, so won't you take my hand?
It may be the last you ever take
Please help me out
You gotta know by now what I'm talking about
Let's get our collective heads out of the sand
Before we bend and break

Don't even start
With your nonsense about a bleeding heart
I guess we'll just wait and see

See ya later!

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait

[WeerezIsTehWinz]

Bump.

[WeerezIsTehWinz]

30 views and not a single crit?

[WeerezIsTehWinz]

*Is sad*

[TojesDolan]

OK I'll do this out of...mmm...not pity. Just boredom.
Look for mine if possible.

I'm not a fan of making stanza-by-stanza checking, So I'll just write a little review type of thing, OK?

First of all, I felt it was unnecesarily long. It may work for, say, epics, but regular poetry gets a little boring past the 6th stanza, especially in music. First of all I think it's a little repetitive. Try to narrow it down to, say, 3 verses, tops, and less chorus repetition (or at least not physically).

But let's stop with structure. Let's start with the song in its core. The second stanza is... not as flowing and constant as the first one, in my opinion. you can cut it and still have a great song. wait... there are two choruses then?

You don't understand
I've gotta become you, so won't you take my hand?
It may be the last you ever take
Please help me out
You gotta know by now what I'm talking about
Let's get our collective heads out of the sand
Before we bend and break

How can you see
What's going on inside of me?
You won't feel a thing...
Oh.


There's no need of so much repetition, again. But the theme itself is good, and the writing itself ain't half bad. you use a little more synthesis in your songwriting, I guess.