ahh my angry poem

[usedgreenromance]

doesnt have a title its just filled with anger i need suggestions... or tell me if you like it or not it defently needs work ill give you that

ok so here goes:
i stand on the side
as this sh*t passes by
Helpless to all
Its all hoped to be a sick joke
But my eye do not decieve

So f*ck you ive got better things to do.

why does authority jumpin
free speech is a right... or so i thought
so f*ck off we dont need you anymore


ok so i need suggestions it defently is in the making and its kinda inspired of my best frined getting kicked out of school for language on his website DURING THE SUMMER which is an invasion of rights and total bullsh*t. so tell me how i can make it bette rplease

[heavilymixedx666]

i think that its a good outline.. but a good trick to make it flow better is to sing it in rythem.
Dont take this the wrong way but it sounds like a punk song. LIke the song structure i can just picture fast powerchords and just a real thrashing song.

except you need to put it into a more signable flowing rythem especially the part or so i thought...

instead put i thouth free speech was a right somehting like that try your first intincts at changing stuff its really good sounding thogh post your latest when your finished.

[usedgreenromance]

ahhh i need more crits! but thanks kid.