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JaveryAM
06-19-2005, 08:31 AM
You might notice that this piece was also used in the Challenge 89
I just need some crits for it

Walk Away

Verse:
In her cloak, like a silhouette
She glides on the street and dodges passing cars
As concealing as she can be, she fades into the black

Her figure's lost among the shadows
And she travels on among the unpaved road
Trying desperately not to be noticed

The sirens mark the oncoming traffic
Those opposers who detest her, blind with fury
Encroaching, nearer, closer to her destination

Bridge:
On those streets, she has been for a while

Chorus:
Walk away
Like nothing ever happened
Believe you weren't there
Those events last night
Had never taken place

And you can leave guilt-free
It happened on its own
So why are you hiding?
Why are you running away?

Verse:
He tries again to plead for help
Left lost, to die upon a shelf
Crying, moaning towards the blood stained walls

Scream louder, still, and maybe they
Will hear his yells as they recieve
All the messages he screams in vain

She left him behind to live alone
And figured he'd find his way home
But he just lays there like a lame duck

Bridge:
And no one's coming there to rescue him

Chorus:
Walk away
Like nothing ever happened
Believe you weren't there
Those events last night
Had never taken place

And you can leave guilt-free
It happened on its own
So why are you hiding?
Why are you running away?

Interlude:
While he's suffering
She's walking away
While he's dying
She's ignoring him

As she survives
He's giving up all hope
While she's alive
He's laying down to die

The trail of her essence has descended upon his wounds
Those tiresome eyes have wandered so far from him
And she makes not attempt at turning back

Chorus:
Walk away
Like nothing ever happened
Believe you weren't there
Those events last night
Had never taken place

And you can leave guilt-free
It happened on its own
So why are you hiding?
Why are you running away?

Outro:
Walk away
Like nothing ever happened
Nothing ever happened
Why are you running away?

Walk away
Like nothing ever happened
Nothing ever happened
Why are you running away?

Why are you running

Away

JaveryAM
06-19-2005, 05:43 PM
bump... bump bumpity bump bump

SixStringKing
06-19-2005, 06:06 PM
i couldnt find the flow...to many things that i wouldnt say normally its weird...didnt like it

spnj
06-19-2005, 08:03 PM
seems way to drawn out and there isnt much really going on that catches my attention... except for the lame duck bit.. that was kinda dumb I thought.. funny but dumb. Ive never heard anyone say that. and as sixstringking said, the non-exsistant flow made it a real challenge to read