Dining with the Center of the Universe

[apocalypseNOW]

Starved for attention that spans and waits a long way
Long enough to listen to you boast over your meal for hours
And there can only be one center of the universe
And according to you its your brand new suit

So put your napkin in your lap and eat carefully
Your words might spill on that tailor made outfit
So don't drop crumbs and make sure your ego gets full
But leave room for desert: my opinion on you

yah. short. its a poem i had to write right now. crits would be g'd.

[SmokeOnTheFlowers]

i loved it.

[Leaves]

I think I like the topic better than the actual words. The title is excellent and makes for an original idea, yet one that's familiar to all of us. Those are the best kinds of original ideas, by the way.

[JaveryAM]

Awesome. Especially the napkin line... i liked it.. i also liked the different metaphors in it... awesome job

*thumbs up*

[spnj]

also a thumbs up from me. It short, but to the point and you give you opinion well. Instead of getting lost using silly words and making thoughtless metaphors you stayed simple and capitalized on a good idea

[SixStringKing]

it was an okay piece but it seemed to me that you tried to make it all metaphorical and everything, but your metaphors seemed amatuer...

first three lines and the napkin line were good.. everything else just seemed to be too obvious

[usedgreenromance]

ahha i loved it man. i like metaphors. and of course they seemed amature you idiot ... he is a amature!!!!!!!!!!! lol :thumb: thumbs up from me

[SixStringKing]

everyone on here is an ametuer but there have been plenty of pieces that sound much more than ametuer... Nirvana was a professional band, does that mean that they have quality music? no... The white stripes are a professional band and their lyrics read"IVE GOT A BACKYARD, WITH NOTHING IN IT, EXCEPT A DOG, A STICK, AND A BOX WITH SOMETHING IN IT"
just because somebody is professional or is ametuer does not mean they need to sound that way. of course this guy gets praise from people with less than 20 posts...
ugh
i think the whole thing was childish, and seemed way to forced with the metaphors..

[TheOpeningAct101]

also a thumbs up from me. It short, but to the point and you give you opinion well. Instead of getting lost using silly words and making thoughtless metaphors you stayed simple and capitalized on a good idea

poetry is something that needs to be thought out, and bring out emotion. with this piece i got very easy cause i didnt have to think about it. useing those "silly words" is what makes poetry so powerful. getting lost in thouhtless metaphores i can understand put poetry just cant be blunt and to the point.

[TheOpeningAct101]

take a look
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=354857
plz and thank u