Screaming Pain(not quite finished)

[asilaydying016]

I'm in a band called Request Denied and I play guitar. I wrote this song the other day but I could only think of a first verse, chorus and part of the second verse...I would love it if someone could help me finish this song...

faded light shines above me
tension runs through my veins
my emotions tend to get the best of me
i never thought it would end this way
but as i lay here on this cold floor
the blood flows
you have no idea how much you ****ed this up

i hope you hear this song
so you can scream your lungs out
till you take the pain away
scream and kiss me one last time

remember when i gave you my heart?
well i want it back,
every last shattered piece


...Thats all I got so far....PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!

[spnj]

finish it yourself! A song should be a personal thing, there isnt anyway we could know what it is you want to say. Try to finish it and we can help with the rough parts afterwards

[Corupt2057]

first four lines are really good then after that it starts to suck just because the cliche lines, your second verse I like the idea behind it but you need to re-word it to make it more originial, aside from that like spnj said finish it yourself then we can help you out

edit: I just saw that you changed your avatar to the heart as the pupil of an eye maybe you can work that into this song.. I think it would be a really cool idea if you could pull it off