Crisis

[Biancazzurri]

Strive to achieve new height
And always strive to improve,
Otherwise your existence is false
And your purpose was never set.

Breath of the moor is cutting my face,
I'm standing watching the raw field.
Nothing will grow here never again,
Oh please come to me one more time.

<chorus>
Material is false
Loearn to create or be dead
I think I'm standing in grave, -
Help me to get out!

I've been involved in new faith
The only God for me is Muse
But when she will turn her back to you,
You'll dry like a leaf below the sun.

Scream of sorrow doesn't reach your ear
I need you like food and sun
To flush all my tears
Into a beatiful mold.

<chorus>

Leave a link if you want crits

[AngusYoung413]

That wasnt bad IMO, there was some good lines such as "The only God for me is Muse"
and "Breath of the moor is cutting my face" but I didnt like "Help me to get out!".
5.5/10
Sorry for the short review. Pretty nice song.

[Biancazzurri]

give me more please

[Corupt2057]

Ok were you upset when you wrote this because this song is all over the place? it's not well thought out at all it's disorganized and very angsty not that angsty is bad you're just not delivering it that well

the personification of the breath of the moor is contradicting itself by saying nothing will grow there agian cause if it's living by saying it's breathing than something is there not a big deal but it's just a nit pick
your very first stanza sounded like someone giving you life advice after graduating..
'I need you like food and sun' ok the idea behind it is good but saying food and sun is hilarious it will just make people laugh you need to think of another substiture like 'I need you like air' which is still lame so think about it what does the muse need to survive then say 'I need you like you need [enter that here]' or whoever you are talking about..
the chorus needs some severe help it is pretty bad I tryed to make it work every which way and it still sounds bad you've got alot of rewording to do cause this seems rushed or just a little too confused in yourself about the situation anyways work on it

crit back if you want on my Cloud Shackles or I am one, who am I?

[apocalypseNOW]

aah id say it need sum work. i agree with corrupt. sounds disorganized and moody. but i liek sum of it. in fact most of it. third verse is awesome. really lieked that third verse. could be that way for the rest of song with some work.