I Want to Have a Real Smile

[apocalypseNOW]

anything g'd or bad is greatly appreciated.

I feel so full of this void
And nothing seems to fit
Fitting in is standing out
When it comes to that which would complete me

How I lust for completion
How a pet needs a home
When that pet is out in the cold
That home is so hard to find sometimes

A needle and an empty bottle
And a view from the tower
Brings a temorary smile
The smile of denying what we haven't found

I just want to be free
From intoxicating my yearning
And living with this smile that I never earned



crit away.

[caught_on_chaos]

the phrase "diamonds in the rough" comes to mind with this song. some lines are blinding but i don't think it's very consistant. i especially like the "needle in an empty bottle" verse. just develoup your ideas some more and modify some of the weaker lines. will be reeeeaaally good

[AngusYoung413]

Some nice lines, but nothing too compelling or groundbreaking. No real flaws though. Like chaos said some work could greatly improve this.

[thayne_is_dumb]

Very good for the most part. However, the second part about a pet needing a home sounds a little forced. However, the first and last lines of this group are excellent. Using lust in this context is very effective because it really brings emphasis to what you want. 3rd group is excellent. First lines may be a bit cliche' but cliche' isn't always bad contrary to poular belief. Yeah, I know I'm skipping around by I have attention problems haha. All in all, some really good stuff, some very catchy lines that would go great in a song.