until I find you

[antidote for loneliness]

Back to the starting line, once again
Pick up the pace, blues fading into black… (I’m all alone)
I ’m arriving here same time just like I did, before
Like I did when I was with you

It’s time to wake
My resting heart
Warmth of the rising sun,
Beams back on my life
(I'm all alone, once again)
Shining is the bright light
On to my glistening eyes
And I won’t stop trying
Until I find you

I know your memories of us have vanished
But the pictures I kept they never fade away
I know its been awhile but I'm still here
Searching for an answer to why you disappeared

Back to the starting line
Like we were back in time [X2]
We can start this over again

And I won’t stop trying
Until I find you

Is there something to be answered here?
Why and when, who and where? [X2]
We can start this over again

And I won’t stop trying
won’t stop trying
won’t stop…
Until I find you

Shining is the bright light
On to my glistening eyes
And I won’t stop trying
Until I find you

[bigtom182]

Nice opening. I quite like it, it's well written enough, and would probably be pretty good with music. Some lines i find make me cringe, but thats just because I'm happy at the moment and i'm not feeling depressed or sad about anything - but i think it's well written and expresses your feelings through the song really well. As with any song I think there is room for improvement on it, but it's worthy of commendation all the same.

I really like the last few parts of it. I like the repetition of "And I won’t stop trying until I find you", i think that's a really nice line. My favourite bit is

Shining is the bright light
On to my glistening eyes
And I won’t stop trying
Until I find you

7.5/10

[antidote for loneliness]

Thanks so much for the crit. are there any particular lines that you think should be changed? I'm more than willing to change it if it makes it sound better. :-) do you want anything critiqued?

[antidote for loneliness]

After the verse

Back to the starting line
Like we were back in time [X2]
We can start this over again

Im thinking of adding in

The blue is fading into black…(I'm all alone)

Headlights beaming in my face
As I watch every single car pass
I’m hoping one of them is yours
I won’t give up no not again
I won’t give up on you
And I wont stop trying
Until I find you

Or would that make it too long?
All together this is what it would be:

Back to the starting line, once again
Pick up the pace, blues fading into black… (I’m all alone)
I ’m arriving here same time just like I did, before
Like I did when I was with you

It’s time to wake
My resting heart
Warmth of the rising sun,
Beams back on my life
(I'm all alone, once again)
Shining is the bright light
On to my glistening eyes
And I won’t stop trying
Until I find you

I know your memories of us have vanished
But the pictures I kept they never fade away
I know its been awhile but I'm still here
Searching for an answer to why you disappeared

Back to the starting line
Like we were back in time [X2]
We can start this over again

The blue is fading into black…(I'm all alone)

Headlights beaming in my face
As I watch every single car pass
I’m hoping one of them is yours
I won’t give up no not again
I won’t give up on you
And I wont stop trying
Until I find you

And I won’t stop trying
Until I find you

Is there something to be answered here?
Why and when, who and where? [X2]
We can start this over again

And I won’t stop trying
won’t stop trying
won’t stop…
Until I find you

Shining is the bright light
On to my glistening eyes
And I won’t stop trying
Until I find you

And of course I am going to be changing the bad/okay lines to something good/great. I kind of like it.....? Im not too sure though.

[bigtom182]

No it's not too long with that bit, i like it it's good! I'm not really awake enough to look thoroughly through it for lines I think could be improved, but one that jumps out at me is...

I know your memories of us have vanished
But the pictures I kept they never fade away

To me, that seems a little cliché - it's used quite a lot. But it's entirely up to you as it's your song - and it's not a bad line, it gets the message across fine.

If you could crit one (or both!) of these then that would be awesome!....

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=353952

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=353811