Try again

[undergroundshell]

So...on the 31st of may i posted, people looked at it, and NO ONE responded?
I don't know what that means....not even a "You suck"? So, I'm gonna try again with something new that I wrote.

Feast-

Don't think you'll get away-wind is just right for the chase-
mouths watering-stench of fear boiling in your veins-
and they will enjoy the taste-they just can't wait

To be so hungry-and stay in it's clothing-
a wolf's beloved game-entertained by what you became-
now they feast on their easiest prey

Don't think you'll get away-oh, the craving of this day-
brought on an aching appetite-you couldn't see through your company-
easily led into their territory

Crazy hungry-they love the way you bleed-
a wolf's beloved game-entertained by what you became-
now they feast on their easiest prey

and they stay around, waiting to take you down, circling around,
waiting around.


please, anyone have at it. I appreciate the constructive crits.

[spnj]

Alright first, Ill tell you why I think no one perlied last time. You've never taken the time to respond to anyone elses! goldne rule! crit for crit! Anyway, ill be nice today.

I read what you have here, and wasnt overly impressed. Your idea is somewhat there but the way you tell your story makes it confusing. The redundancy of the images gets a bit annoying and there is little direction or structure. Work on it. You obviously have an idea so go with it. I know theres a metaphor for a hunt.. I know they wont get away from the "wolves".. now what?

[StrangelyBrewed13]

it was a little bit confusing, i agree but it does show some potential. Consider reworking it