Something i wrote

[BlondeOverBlonde]

Yes, I know it's a simple rhyme scheme, but thanks anways; there's no title either, thanks for your time.

Well, I fell down along time ago
Off a horse I trusted most
Well, I wallowed there for an eternity
Until I became a ghost

I picked up my things from the ground
A broken mirror and a cracked doll
A picture set in an old background
By a dreary tree at the end of fall

They said “Hey, don’t turn around, you’ve got so much to see”
I said “What’s it matter now, when I’ve lost what is ‘me’?”

Childhood memories flash before me
Dazed with no concerns
An age long gone and painfully missing
Yet that flame still burns

Looking up I saw my home
And I opened that old door
I took one look and ran away
I couldn’t take it anymore

I heard “don’t turn around, we want you back, where have you been”
I turned my head and yelled at them “trying to run from sin”

I find myself out on that road
Crying out in pain
All those years I spent on life
Were money I spent in vain

Now I spend my time wandering the streets
Without company
I fell down off my horse
And scraped more than a knee

Every time I close my eyes I hear “come back, come on home”
But I can’t, because I know in my heart, I’m forever to be alone

[spnj]

yawn.. sorry this wasnt very good in my opinion. You started off with out any sort of energy and it didnt make me want to read more... and you just kept writing, saying the same thing over and over.. wears the eyes and mind down.

[BlondeOverBlonde]

alright, many thanks

[caught_on_chaos]

i think it's nice love the last verse but needs a few more sylables to carry on the beat in the line : "whithout company"

[JaveryAM]

it was good in the beginning, but it got boring because you appeared to be repeating the same idea until you killed it..