The Wasted Harvest

[Iron_Weed]

New song of mine, a bit dark. Feel free to tear it to shreds. Crit for crit leave an adress.

When the seeds are brought to life
They grip the sides of mother’s womb
So we lure them out with broken promise
Of bright existence when in bloom
But now they’ve grown the colors faded
Their petals brown and thoughts turned grey
Cause, like the French, we did adjust them
With watered down reality

Though they’re too young to see a future
They see what they can do without
They curse the facts, they miss the water
Which helped them live inside themselves
So they lose the will and lose the effort
And replace it with a healthy need
The man, the monkey and the other
Drown their minds, to kill reality

Now they’ve burned away the common values
They live in their own myths and lies
But all their fiction lacks the magic
And leaves their minds so very dry
So they scream and break and blame another
And hate all of those who try
To stop the numbness crawling over
Try to keep, their reality

[Sloth]

:thumb: I like :thumb:

I feel that you have littered this with good lines.. I can find nothing annoying to me with this......at least right now.

[TheOpeningAct101]

"When the seeds are brought to life
They grip the sides of mother’s womb
So we lure them out with broken promise
Of bright existence when in bloom
But now they’ve grown the colors faded
Their petals brown and thoughts turned grey
Cause, like the French, we did adjust them
With watered down reality"

very very good until the last three lines. you just do a nose dive with those lines. they sound very forced. thank you come again


"Though they’re too young to see a future
They see what they can do without
They curse the facts, they miss the water
Which helped them live inside themselves
So they lose the will and lose the effort
And replace it with a healthy need
The man, the monkey and the other
Drown their minds, to kill reality"

this one starts strong gets week then gets strong again, very up and down... and then up. good meaning, but just a swing and a miss for the most part. if you read it over a few times i think you'll see what i mean.


"Now they’ve burned away the common values
They live in their own myths and lies
But all their fiction lacks the magic
And leaves their minds so very dry
So they scream and break and blame another
And hate all of those who try
To stop the numbness crawling over
Try to keep, their reality"

once again very god until the 6th line. it dosent fit, find another way to say it.

over all good job. i give it a 7/10

plz take a peek at my piece, "revised revision"

[Iron_Weed]

Thanks, I mostly agree with you. I'll crit urs soon

[Iron_Weed]

Bump

[Iron_Weed]

Come on!